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Phoenix

It happens while I least expect it, when I hit my solid state. It happens as I start believing that that dark maze was my forever home. It happens as I am naked and neglected, mistaking myself for a less than magic being.
Confused and bent, I thought I wasn’t going to stand tall again.
One crack at a time I hear bones mending, and veins connecting and intersecting. I suddenly stand, feet to the floor, a thrust of muscles zapping strength up my skeleton and a charge into my heart. It beats and I am myself again. It beats and I am no longer a failure; no longer beaten down. It beats and I am above the toxic city again. It beats my body into fire and crystal. My mind sets itself aflame and lights take me again. I thought I wasn’t able but I am. I thought I was numb but sedation subsides; yet I remain.
I remain after the storms and the earthquakes. I remain under rocks and inside oceans. I remain even when I want to disappear. I am invincible even when I think myself invisible. I am strong beyond my need.
Only when I almost destroyed myself and my surroundings did I feel the spark. Only when I believed in nothing at all but myself did I remember how it felt to be in love. Only when I closed all portals outside of my self and looked within did I trip over my very own core; my heart. Only when I stopped struggling, I found myself afloat.
I am not mad, I am not stuck. I am not down and I am never soluble. I do not melt and I do not fear this world. I am not slacking anymore. There is only me and my might right here, there is everything I am yet to become; there is this day and this moment. There is the magic and the human, there is the surreal and the fact. There I am again; taking what’s my own.

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Beautiful morning. A space for sanity

I open sun drenched eyes to a blue sky and a haze of early summer. My palms are moist from the grass beneath me. And my cheeks warm and pink from the shameless caress of the sun.
I find myself looking up into vastness and eternity, blue truth and blurred beauty. A still morning.
I smell the cries of the night on the grass under me and the glisten of trees around me. It had been so sad i presume. Yet with the morning, the sun runs all its desire to light the world and save it from the misery of the night.
A beautiful life they say, come get away. A creation in its own and a mystery to the core. A giant success and a painful let down all in one still effortless morning.
So i get up and look around. I look for the door that i had used to enter. This beautiful morning is a state, a situation that i looked for in every pair of eyes i gazed upon. I squeezed it out of every wonder and every smile. I posessed it when i held a loving hand and met a genuine friend.
I love it with all the goodness in me, yet i fear losing my passage to it. For when the chaos grows too inredibly loud i do lose it. I forget where that door to it stood. I imagine it and cry for it. I mourn it.
i search above and beneath me for it everytime. It is never easy to relocate. So one would understand how real i am in that place.
So why am i in such a hurry to leave now that im here?
I love the solitude of it and the simplicity. It speaks so clearly to me, i hear myself unsensored here. So i sit back down, i spread my arms apart and lay my head on the most appealing shade of green grass.
No confusion, no shame, no pride, no stupidity or ignorance.
I close my eyes and rest assured for when i am here, under the vision of clarity and this sweet surrender; the world can wait, it has to. For the sake of my sanity it stands still.