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Encountering a Dream

I sat down where he ordered me to and I looked at the floor. My hands were twitching so I clasped them closer and locked my thumbs together. My stomach was churning and I couldn’t catch my breath. I had no idea what was going on outside my body, beyond myself. My inhibitions chained my insight and they drowned my mind. I looked at my feet and I noticed the absurdity of my entire position, except I couldn’t get up, I couldn’t stand. My mind flew and then crashed, my heart pounded and I could feel my chest getting heavy. My hair gently surrounded my face and it kept my eyes from wandering. I kept my head still and tried to listen to him speak.

I waited, almost impatiently to hear his voice, but he kept to himself. The silence began pushing my mind to places I was terrified of; the silence was powerful; until he spoke. I closed my eyes and heard him. It was so strong, his voice, his tone, his peace, it was immense. My heart twisted in its place, as if struggling to get out of its routine, my breath was organized, and my limitations closed in. He suddenly raised his voice: “Get out!” … It hit me almost shuffled my hair with its ringing resonance. So I looked up from the floor, and I couldn’t but stare. The beauty that was so striking stared back. His sharpness, his edges and his flaws all attacked my sight; he was so overwhelming I almost smiled.

He held my gaze and whispered “please”. I only found myself retracting into my chair almost wanting to fade. His face, his posture, and his hands everything shook me to the core. He crushed my every cell with hopeless infatuation, he simmered my thoughts on such peaceful flames; it was almost pleasurable. He examined my face and my evading eyes, he looked at me with presumptuous skill, and he was winning me over without even knowing it.

“Look at yourself, enjoy the sight of such gorgeous reflection, love this body and caress this mind. You have no idea, no clue, not even a trace of evidence of what you’re missing. Let me guide you, let me unfold you and crash your walls; I want to, I’m desperate to. I want to show you what reality is, I want to feed you the truth and shower you with moments, I want to sneak into your dreams and find you there too. I need to find you somewhere, because you hide so well, you love so hard but you destroy even better. You lurk behind those nonthreatening eyes and you wait. Give me what you fear most and I shall love you beyond it, crumble into me and I will make you whole. Lay out your plans and let it be, lay out your heart and let it be, lay out your body and let it be. Release yourself and I will not leave your side. Choke me with your doubts and I will not fall, pound your fists unto my soul yet I will always be. Do not deny me yourself, do not cry for tomorrow. I want to, I want to, I shamelessly need to have you.”

He had no idea, did he? I have seen him in my dreams, he practically lived there. Every night he waited for my head to fall unto pillows and my eyes to close. He entered my dreams without permission, he found me there so bare and unprotected. He touched my heart and I surrendered my being to his love. I laughed in my dreams, no inhibitions. Over every wall he stood tall and got to me. He had no idea that I fell to my knees every night needing him, praying for him and searching for him. I felt with him, and I lived, I grew with him and I thrived. He does not know.

As I thought, I felt his breath closer, I smelled his aroma and it filled me. A train crash, an airplane crash, destruction, life, death, birth and hurricanes. Music, Symphonies, Lights and waves all crashed. My mind burned and my heart rebelled. My hands shivered and my eyes watered, every part of my conscious being transformed into divinity. He woke up my ego, my id and my libido; he started the fight and killed them all, then revived them. He jump-started the life in me, and did not know. I felt his hand sweep away my hair and my eyes wandered to find him leaning closer. It only existed in my dreams, this encounter, it was not real, he was not there, I could not believe, I had no faith. And then to the sweet surrender that has become my reaction he whispers “Believe me, this is real”. He grins and my face flushes with every degree and shade of red to have ever been. Peace and war, they made sense at that moment, because I was the victim and the heroin of both; I won, I rejoiced and I felt every bolt of life streaming through my blood. Under all the levels of awareness in me he found mysteries and he stayed, he lingered there so close to me but with no impact. He watched me suffer and revel in his storm; he found rain in my eyes and sweetness on my lips. He softened my edges and calmed my tricks.

It was me and him; and I could hardly move. I was so spell bounded and heartily amazed. I decided to never leave. The wonder of meeting home in the eyes of a stranger, the clarity of finding truth in the vast skies and believing you found the man of your dreams in an unlikely encounter. I collapsed into him and I gave him my words, I surrendered my discoveries and I hid perfection between his mystery and mine.

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My Autumn Stranger

Somewhere along this way, amongst this green piece of land, in between autumn trees and falling lullabies, I caught a glimpse of a stranger’s eyes. We stared and then looked away, and he shied into a little pathway aside from mine. I heard his footsteps crushing little fallen leaves gently and I followed the sound. He whispered stay away as he moved ahead.

In that autumn theme the stranger stopped and I stopped. His eyes were young just like mine, but they dared not dive as deep.

In that dream of a day I wanted him to come with me, I could show him the world. I wanted him to forget the entity that pressured him and let go of the boundaries in his mind. His soul looked so sweet but his mind dared not doubt. Again unlike mine, my mind went to extents of doubt that would make any weak soul break apart. I understood he was afraid of that, he simply feared he might lose himself on my path.

We stood in a painting in the middle of a world of yellow and brown, our skin reflected the same colors and I yearned for his approval. That stranger knew I was on a difficult journey, yet he felt my sincerity. He stood in confusion and sadness shuffling his spirit. Without our noticing, the first image of doubt was drawn in his head; and uncertainty left him in indecision whether to join me or watch me go.

He was a stranger, and so was I, but then again weren’t we all. We remain strangers for lifetimes if we dared not dive into the worlds of each other. The autumn lullaby became a symphony as uncertainty danced and swayed around and between us. It was a beautiful dancer who was inexplicably moving our worlds along to its steps.

The painting we stood in as strangers was far from finished, and so destiny spoke to us through our painter’s brush. It drew us closer as autumn became more hopeful; my stranger became my confidante, he took uncertainty in his arms. He decided to dance with it, to sway it and love it as long as it holds the possibility of shifting partners one day. When that happens we would dance our way out of that painting and into a land of our own.