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Liberating Healthy Femininity

woman in white dress standing on brown grass field

Consciously moving away from women who are afraid of men and men who are afraid of women and the importance of healthy femininity for healthier societies.

I dedicate this letter to every strong and gentle woman I have met this past year and every year before. This also goes out to the healthy masculine(s) who truly love women. Female warriors from every part of this earth, each has her struggle and her touching triumphs. I honor the women in my own family who have suffered and continue to push against the walls of judgement and sometimes loveless lives. The problem however, is that not enough is being said, not enough is expressed. This is writing itself as I personally had to learn many things the harder way; despite my privilege. Women learn the hard way in our communities. I have wondered why that is, and I only recently realized this:

The Source of the Teachings Given to Women

Everything I have learned about my female nature has been curated, structured and bounded by an unyielding patriarchy, yet binged and purged onto me by women. Women afraid of men and men afraid of women. I realize that a male dominated society and religion that is terribly afraid of feminine liberation, taught me how to be a “good girl/woman”. This feels exceptionally flawed, why? Because coming back into this body, after years of denying her, hiding her and trying to not be judged because of her, I am baffled by the grace held within this female body. At this point, as a woman, you cannot but see life differently. If you trace your automatic thoughts and feelings back into their source what will you find there? Where do all those contradictions come from? Why is feminine energy so relentlessly constricted and/or judged? Surely one major factor is misunderstanding; which places a lot more responsibility on women to lead by example on what healthy femininity looks like to each one of them.

Nevertheless, every woman has her own challenge making her way back into her truest nature; and many of the conditions and implied values we learn tend to be etched in our psyches.

What woman has not dealt with this at some point?

Inadequacy/ Being NOT ENOUGH vs Being TOO MUCH

Being TOO sensual vs Being TOO Cold

Being TOO Smart vs Being TOO Beautiful vs being both or God forbid neither

The dilemma of Prude vs Slut

The list goes on and on… but we all know what lies underneath those extremities of judgement.

Women lose sight of their true inherent value, in all that makes them who they are. We risk becoming small minded, anxious and spiteful. We create life narratives that begin to disrupt emotional and sexual availability not just for others but ourselves too. Our relationships get affected, along with our career choices and so much more.

There is a process since childhood of allocating value to Girls/women based on those conditions. then Women carry that suggested value within their lives while being treated as commodities or stereotypes.

Your Healthy Feminine Nature

Female nature includes sensuality, sexuality, the physical body and her hormones, psyche, heart, emotion and everything that makes a woman divinity embodied.

There is no SINGLE way to be a woman. The energy is so fluid that when bounded by force she freezes like water, yet she always will have the capacity to melt back into her natural state. There is so much freedom in allowing yourself to be fully who you are. Liberating the feminine energy is not scary; bounding it is what is terrifying. However, it is every woman’s responsibility to learn how to manage her energy, her ability to give and receive. A healthy feminine is essential for the healthy masculine to thrive as well.

Healthy femininity begins with recognizing the grace and natural power present in the female body and spirit. Our differences make us all the more enticing and strong. In supporting yourself as a healthy female, you also learn to support other women and men too. Ascending into your liberated femininity empowers you. You find that you are finally managing your natural capacities beautifully all while creating and nurturing the environment that surrounds you.

Yet, In order to truly be free, each woman must check in with her own narrative of internal light and darkness. Healthy attitude towards self and others is a process. You must be careful of the spiritual ego as a dangerous deception of the mind to ascend without doing the necessary work of constant awareness.

Healthy Femininity Hand in Hand with Healthy Masculinity

silhouette of happy couple against picturesque mountains in sunset
Photo by Vanessa Garcia on

The idea is not to live in opposition with the masculine or other more liberated feminine(s), or even in spite. Ideally both energies work together and intertwine lending necessary support to each other. A traumatized woman cannot heal without facing that trauma, same with a traumatized man. Doing the work is an essential process for any human. Cutting through all the conditioning is a heavy task, one that is continuous across one’s life and generations to come.

Not every man must pay the price of the pain one woman suffered on the hands of 1 or 50 men. Not every woman must pay the price for the hurt one or 50 women inflicted on one man.

That is what relating to one another consciously means; hard as it may be or seem. If we are to progress as a human race, it is imperative for us to learn how to be better to ourselves and each other. At the heart of this progress is the power of free women and the healthy feminine; ones who can raise better generations and build more creative societies with healthier men.

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The Thing about pain is

Let’s face it, it is impossible to live life without experiencing any form of pain. Pain is a part of living as much as love and joy and fear. When we talk about the inescapable nature of living with one pain or another we must also consider healing.

Healing is not the reversal of pain. It does not come by through pleasantries. Healing is not something that we just receive by choosing to get rid of the pain. We do not simply ignore powerful profound pain, because then we are suppressing that hurt into our psyches and our cells and into every memory. Pain doesn’t leave until it is felt in the utter depths of our spirit, and explored with our minds and bodies. It lingers below one trigger maybe even 10, but it never simply leaves. It festers and grows more violent and more furious. It needs to be seen, and our bodies keep it for us, hoping that we address it so we can move on. Pain, must be felt in every form that it presents itself, with every piercing thought and emotion. We must go through it in its entirety, we must experience the fear of its endlessness, we must face it bare and respectful, because it is yet another teacher in disguise. Yet we must when the pain has served its purpose to awaken us to a truth, ultimately and unapologetically heal.

And here i tell you my beautiful friend that to heal is the biggest triumph of spirit. We break and we combust into millions of pieces of what we once were, but we are never beyond healing. We were gifted those bodies and those minds to experience living with our eyes wide open and our hearts on the verge of being crushed by the next best thing. Our bodies however are blessed by an internal and eternal grace, one that shines when we smile and when we wake up in the morning and feel a glimmer of hope that we are deeper than the deepest hole, stronger than the hardest blow, and liberated beyond every social concept that has ever been coined. We can heal, unlike anything dead. We can heal because we are alive.

Meeting Pain; a short story

She finds herself bursting awake in an alternate world. She is small and weary, her body aches and she doesn’t know how or why. In a vast abandoned piece of land she cannot see anything clearly but she knows what she must do. She presses her toes into the sand and makes her way to the darkest corner. That was her mission after all, She promised to heal no matter what that took. Unprepared but determined, the darkness grows and she starts losing the feeling in both her feet. She falls to her knees and continues to crawl out, her skin burning as she glances out in front of her. There it is with its might and glory, it sees her but doesn’t move to meet her. She is averse to it, but it holds something she needs.

Pain shows her its teeth and she falls at its feet begging it to hand her that wisdom because she cannot stand up anymore, She has finally come to see pain for herself, She is ready to learn. In that moment of surrender she removes her armor and unravels showing her eagerness for shedding her now tight old and broken skin. Pain unleashes itself into her mind, onto her body, her muscles tense and it pulls at her heart and her skin. She feels every bit of it, senses every bit of herself, She can follow everywhere it goes. and it burns with might..

She wants to ask it why. Her mind starts needing reason to carry on, but there was not enough time. She notices that with every blow and every shockwave of emotion the pain gets softer, it grows smaller as she gently gets bigger. Pain then pours itself into a glass between her shaky hands and asks that she accept it for what it is, whether it had reason is not important, whether she deserved it or not doesn’t matter; her questions will only be honored by a single exchange if she is to allow it.

“I accept, she cries out, just let me heal!”

She receives strength in return, one that was meant just for her; for this body… A strength that was there with the pain all along. Light creeps through that corner and nothing hurts when her heart continues it’s beat and she takes in a deep breath. She exhales as she pushes herself head first standing up. She finds that she had been in an arena, filled with souls and bodies that look just like hers, but her path was paved different by the walking and crawling towards her pain. Her space allowed for something new exactly where she was standing. She then feels her eyes grow wider as she towers over old skin, and all the armors she has outgrown.

She begins to heal.