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Beautiful morning. A space for sanity

I open sun drenched eyes to a blue sky and a haze of early summer. My palms are moist from the grass beneath me. And my cheeks warm and pink from the shameless caress of the sun.
I find myself looking up into vastness and eternity, blue truth and blurred beauty. A still morning.
I smell the cries of the night on the grass under me and the glisten of trees around me. It had been so sad i presume. Yet with the morning, the sun runs all its desire to light the world and save it from the misery of the night.
A beautiful life they say, come get away. A creation in its own and a mystery to the core. A giant success and a painful let down all in one still effortless morning.
So i get up and look around. I look for the door that i had used to enter. This beautiful morning is a state, a situation that i looked for in every pair of eyes i gazed upon. I squeezed it out of every wonder and every smile. I posessed it when i held a loving hand and met a genuine friend.
I love it with all the goodness in me, yet i fear losing my passage to it. For when the chaos grows too inredibly loud i do lose it. I forget where that door to it stood. I imagine it and cry for it. I mourn it.
i search above and beneath me for it everytime. It is never easy to relocate. So one would understand how real i am in that place.
So why am i in such a hurry to leave now that im here?
I love the solitude of it and the simplicity. It speaks so clearly to me, i hear myself unsensored here. So i sit back down, i spread my arms apart and lay my head on the most appealing shade of green grass.
No confusion, no shame, no pride, no stupidity or ignorance.
I close my eyes and rest assured for when i am here, under the vision of clarity and this sweet surrender; the world can wait, it has to. For the sake of my sanity it stands still.

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Loneliness lives in a sad space here.

It is what people call is that Reality rather than emotion that crawls into you. It is that truth that we live our life trying to avoid and run away from. Lonelinees, i cannot say it enough to make my self believe it. It is the darkside and the illhumored part of solitude of the soul. Simply it is separation from other beings that used to fill your hollowness as a human born alone. Lets call this a sad space here but a real one. This loneliness has a bestfriend. That bestfriend is a paper and a pen. When no other human has the capacity to capture your reality shock, that bestfriend steps in.

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Saving Myself

i dont love i adore, i dont feel bad i get crushed, i dont help i save. This is me saving myself.

The world is still and the quiet scares you. You begin running and your fear growls at your sanity. The world should not be this good. or should it?..does this mean that you have yet to wait for it to fall apart? is this a form of constructed chaos? You stand in disbelief of your fortune, to some extent you start feeling apologetic for it. You do not understand it in comparison to those who suffer. Confusion looks at you and it tells you that your suffering will come. But then hope slides in and says it has seen many like you and you just might be one of the lucky ones. You want it all to end the guilt, the pain, the anticipation, the fear of the unknown, the cruelty of experience, the denial and the horror of being truly happy and not believing it.

But just when the fear attempts to get under my skin, i take a step back and read myself again. It okay to be happy, and okay to be afraid of losing whats precious to you. It is okay to love and be loved, it is okay to feel your utter humanity and vulnrability at times. You should never apologize for your fortune because you never know how lucky you might be. it is important to realize your solitude even in the midst of company. There is power in that solitude and the fear of it should transform into a pleasure and an acceptance. Reality is that solitude makes us the people we truly are and not our societies or our company. knowing ourselves in solitude means knowing ourselves forever. It means the day your soul leaves your body you will be in complete peace with your mistakes and your achievements. You will know just how deep you let yourself live and how true you where to the people on the receiving end. Not waiting for them to be good to you but learning to be good to yourself. The fear shall blossom into awe, tragedy into experience and solitude into perfect human nature. With that, you can face the world!