In a valley deep between two huge mountains i stand, wide eyed and embarrassingly caught in the middle. They look down and they meet at the tips of my feet, i am insignificant. They are mountains their understanding of fragility is ancient and forgotten.
In a valley so deep, i stand, i crawl and i scratch out my flaws. I am hard at work but i am no mountain after all, i doubt i can ever be. The pressure of greatness keeps the valley down and only makes the mountains seem higher above.
A defeated person, inhibited from the inside and pressured from the outside can only take so much; a collapse is to be anticipated. I love collapse; freeing, truthful, and inevitable. Collapse is the truest form of expression, nothing is held back, nothing remains inside. You collapse to see yourself and your life as it really is. No more lies, no more pretending, nothing but the revelation of your insides to yourself and everyone around you. There is no shame in collapse. Even mountains collapse.
So collapse my dear, the excitement is excruciating and exhausting.
He lives inside those beautiful scenes. Where the mountains reach for the skies, he smiles. When the wind blows and shuffles my hair he flirts. He embraces my fear and kisses my insecurities. He is everything i know and everything mysterious. He challenges me in my love and in my hate. He gives me every reason for both.
He feels my pain and talks me through it. He looks through me and into every secret in my eyes. He loves truth but lives among liers. He preaches and swears, he contradicts and challenges those who overwhelm him.
He takes me higher and still manages to destroy me everyonce in a while. He is unsure yet craves certainty. He speaks of adoration yet is not a master of it. He smells of hope and security, still he reeks of the classic and conventional.
He dances To his own beats and sways me along, he finds my insanity entertaining yet damaging at times. It plays on his nerves and thoughts disrupt his classic composure until he finds himself so bare in my presence.
He flies and goes higher he chases me everywhere. He whispers in my ears until i smile and then leaves.
He leaves when im in love, and he leaves when i hate. He leaves when im happy and when im down. It never takes too long for either extremes to occur. He leaves when hes fed up and he leaves when hes wanting more. He leaves all the time.
Maybe its that secret, its that mystery and that torture at times that captures me and changes me.
Maybe im only human after all and maybe you wont understand, maybe you know how unbelievable for all those qualities to exist in one, and maybe you believe so deeply that they do.
Maybe i myself will never know, maybe i already do. I love what i have yet to find out. And i breathe to find him smiling everytime he comes back.