Like a little bodied statue I stare at the ceiling. One of many ceilings and walls I’ve faced and knocked down, this one refuses to move, it refuses to let me through. I let go and decide to just lay there, maybe now I see the big picture, maybe now I see the truth. Maybe this ceiling is keeping me from completely fading away and losing touch.
I trace my thoughts back but I have none, I have gotten too good at quieting my mind, I have become stronger and less concerned with my body. The dread remains however. The unyielding and unrelenting need to belong somewhere to something to someone, and to feel infinite remains like the strongest emotion, the most powerful thought to ever exist. I cannot come to grips with mortality, not yet.
I stare still and remain in my body, feeling an utmost safety in it, fearing the thought of ever losing it. Fearing the day that I let it go and crack the ceiling. Why is there no infinity right here and now? Why can we not have that? Is that the biggest ego of all? To want it forever? To have continuous return? Why is it excruciatingly painful and dreadful to be so close mortality and still refuse to see it?
Is this the highest feeling of love? Is it the newfound appreciation to every spirit surrounding yourself that gives you the courage to do this? Gives you a purpose and a light? How much have we forgotten to be able to be here today? How much are we blinded from that let’s us sleep at night and not crawl back to our mothers.
I find my dark friend laying next to me, and together we look up at the ceiling. We hold eachother, I comfort him with my hope and with my light, while he confronts me with the truth: my mortality and everyone else’s, and our never ending pursuit of a single extra moment of being awake and breathing together.
Let’s take ourselves back to that freedom of a young summer so forgiving of our limitations. Let’s stay in that fast car and dream of endless music. Let this companionship rest its head because we will not let go. Let it discover you softly and lift your soul as it whispers and fixes you. Let it see you and light your every step without permission just like sunshine brightens a dark day.
Let’s face this world and leave no stone unturned. Let’s go on a limp and jump right in together. Let’s hush the noise of a complicated world and be young for today, brave for tomorrow and wise for eachother.
When we leave dont be sad. When we seperate dont worry. When tomorrow comes dont cry. When the noise gets louder dont scream and when the day fades don’t lose faith.
You are powerful and you are courageous. You are blinding light and flowing energy. You float and you make peace with every soul you meet. Do not deny yourself the potential of an overabundant heart so eager to love and to give. Do not undermine the passion you contain and the joy you spread. Do not close your eyes to a life so full of beauty thirsty for your sight.
I think of all of you as i write wanting to ignite those flames and start a fire in your shy souls. I think of myself and i write to remind myself there is no going back.
So shine my loves and give this world what it needs. Open your hearts and release your pains never hold them in. Take the leap even if it seems too far down, just take a step back, press your feet and run forward, let your blood boil with excitement and soar with life.
Let’s remember the trance and the moments, let’s find eachother around every corner and beneath every fear, let’s not be defeated by people or expectations or poisonous words. Let’s make a pact that we will live so viciously and marvelously, our journeys will be nothing but extraordinary.