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Bed time story for adults

Alone in bed at night, you stare at the ceiling, one breath in, but it stops half way through and it erupts into a muted sigh. Your heart beat is heavy so is your world. You need to close your eyes, sleep is the most important action right now. Except you know, that wont happen, your mind is too anxious, so many thoughts, events and roles underplayed during the day. You should have done more, you should have said something, you should have acted.

It is silly really, all the thoughts, words pushing and elbowing each other in order to make it to the finish line, topped by a long banner with the word TRUTH inscribed. But in that race, truth is not the finish line that your thoughts are racing for. The finish line is a bed time story you tell yourself about the life your are leading. And we all know baby, bed time stories are only stories after all; and nothing in them is real.

See, the fear of waking up feeling unaccomplished and miserable comes from a deep consciousness that you keep muffling after every chapter in your bed time story. Not doing what you really want, going to a job you hate, marrying the wrong person for the wrong reasons, staying in an abusive relationship, accepting unfairness in your daily life in every form, all will pile up with time, especially if you always have that quiet little voice saying “I really don’t want this“.  And when that pile becomes too large, no amount of stories will be able to hold it. The pile will become too real, your life will become too real, too late. 

Resolutions for the new year are almost always broken, not because people don’t want the change, but because people are too afraid of it, and are too lazy for reality, and would rather go back to their bed time stories by February. Waking up once and for all is exhausting if you are so used to snoozing that alarm. So you snooze 2017, and you might snooze 2018, and live your life on snooze, bored and missing out on the day, and unable to sleep at night.

How wonderful would it be if you could place your head on your pillow tonight knowing that you did one thing right, one thing that did not have you thinking “I really don’t want this“? How would you feel if you woke up in the morning with an anticipation for the day, where the traffic will not bother you enough to ruin your day, nor will a few hiccups along the way? How would it feel to live your life slowly, where when people complain, you say you are grateful for the things that you have, and work on the negatives?

Nobody will change your life for you. So get to it.

 

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#2018 What’s your excuse this time?

Starting January first, your entire life is going to shift.

All that courage you have been missing will be mustered up, and BOOM as soon as you wake up on the first day of the new year #2018, you will have the necessary resources, the mindset and the guts to go on and make those life altering set of decisions.

This year is going to be different. The same way 2017 was different. Or so you would hope. Or so, we all would hope. Except like every year, I have such a hard time coming up with good-sounding resolutions. You know the ones that seem almost practiced, to sound extra self-indulgent and hopeful when you say out loud. [Like this year I am going to practice a more minimalist/vegan…any-ist lifestyle, that video I saw on Facebook was a wake up call.] Yeah, I don’t have those.

My resolutions tend to erupt from within after I have sobbed for three and a half days over an existential crisis. My resolve is tested on the daily, do I go to the gym or do I relax at home with my cat by my side and call it a day? Do I do this or that? …every single day. I cannot even imagine how difficult it would be to bottle up all of these little decisions to be made on a single (life changing) day. So be warned, most of those resolutions end up being one-timers. Almost every change in your life, requires practice. The idea is always much more exciting than the actual execution.

See the thing is, and brace yourself for this wonderful and mind boggling sentence: Today was the future last month. And tomorrow, today will be yesterday. So never wait till tomorrow to change your life. Inspiring use of words, NO?

The point of the above “state the obvious” sentence is that all you have is your choice today, NOW. Start with the silliest and most minute goals, and go from there. You have to teach your brain how to perceive achievement. You have to rewire your system to a new achievement oriented process, one where failure becomes part of the process and not the end.

So, if your new year’s resolution is joining the gym for example, try this:

1- Look for a gym that will fit well within your schedule, think proximity, and practicality in relation to your daily routine. Make it easy for yourself.

2- Start your membership before January first. Consider the 2 days prior to the New year as try-outs. Devise your plan, create and schedule your workout. Ask for help.

3- Set tiny goals when you wake up in the morning. When a habit is brand new, you will need to make the same choice a few times during the day, because your brain and your body do not want you to switch things up, they do not want you to gear off auto-pilot. Read this book if you haven’t: The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg

It is always wonderful to hear somebody, almost everybody saying that they want to improve something about themselves or their lives. It stops being so wonderful, when the resolution becomes a broken record every year. It becomes sad when you keep postponing, and pathetic when the excuses are shined and dusted anew every year. So just do one thing for now. Just one tiny little change in your life, and it will snowball beyond your imagination.

As for me, my resolutions for this year, well they will come, probably in a more dramatic post at 3 AM on a Tuesday, where I overuse words like truth, light, life, kindness, love and peace.

 

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Colors of the new Unknown

I cannot get this thought out of my head, something in the world is shifting, a new karma is taking form and I am unsure how the dawn will color itself.

As we journey into our cores, many layers unfold, but we always tend to miss something. Not everything can be uncovered, not everything must be known.

Tonight I sing to the unknown and all of its glory, all of its mystery and all of its truth. Unless we know ourselves we can never love anything else. But when we understand that we can never truly know, we understand how vast our vessels of love are, and how sweet our thirst is.

In unknowns lay our loved ones alive and dead, in the unknown lay our energies and our karmas. There lay time arm in arm with every spec of dust we have managed to move in the motion of our lives. And to tell you a secret, I think there lay the last piece of the puzzle. The unknown is the beast we must truly learn to love and tame.

We will never be afraid of anything ever again.

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Our life 

So as far as I know, time has not stopped yet. I approach the second half of my twenties with everything and almost nothing figured out all at once. For starters, the worst days end, and so do the best. I am grateful for both. Somehow we sail through, both too silently and all too chaotically as though we get to do this all over again differently. 

Some days are so similar that I lose all meaning between days of the week. So I make a decision to remember minute details like the smell of the freshly watered sidewalk or the white dust on a construction worker’s hands. And then when I think back I realize that those days and those thoughts will add up to being my week, then my month and eventually my year. So why does it matter? Because I get to recognize elements of my story as it is happening, and believe it or not there is some wonder in that. 

For a second I get overcome by a sense of melancholy, a fleeting realization that this right here, right now is it, for the time being it is all I have. But then I submerge my mind with presence, with absolute existence, being drenched in reality and still having the ability to step away from it is what makes us human. It is what conscious human life offers us, all we get to do is choose, maybe even simply dance in between our life, and the story we tell ourself about it. 

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The Un-learning process

Why do you do what you do? What takes over you when you say yes or even when you say no? How little do you know yourself? And do you believe them when they tell you they know you and will do what’s best for you? 

I keep digging, I’ve been digging ever since I was 13 years old, and I’m approaching 26, still trying to understand. I have tried exercise, and love, I’ve tried depression and isolation, I’ve tried meditation and travel, I’ve tried so much, and I keep going back to this: I don’t know shit. >>sorry for the profanity<<

I don’t know why I say yes when I mean no, and I don’t know how to smile when I’m upset. I dont know how to lie when all I can see is one truth and It seems that nobody else has a clue.

So what do I know? 

I know that we all struggle, each to his or her own capacity. We all love and adore: people, pets, things or places; it doesn’t matter as long as we are willing to love. Everyone has a bunch of theories about life, and so do I; except most of which seem to work for some time only, up until it’s rebuttal time for the universe. 

So my dear, what do you do? Do you live in fear? Absolutely not. Do you plunge right in? Ofcourse. Because nobody knows And the more peace and tranquility you invest into that incessant case of uncertainty the softer your ride will be, and without doubt the more entertaining your life will get. 

Just remember to be as good at Un-learning as you were at learning. 

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Lotus 

I still am the same soul underneath it all, except with more years, more truths uncovered, some disappointments, some achievements and so many conscious breaths.

Days move and I move and life moves, days end and the night begins; just for me and my words. I peak through its curtains and I am summoned in. There is so much love for me here, inside. The dark is not scary, fear acknowledges me, and I nod, we have had our adversities, but behind these dark veils, there is only grace and fear only bows to that.

Inside this night I hold not just my own heart, but the hearts of loved ones, I hold their names and their spirits dance and swirl around mine. The motion is circular and the light is present within exploding like millions of fireworks.

The truth is mine, and I know, I am one with my being, this is the space I have been cultivating. This is the light I had been probing and this is the night I had been trying so hard to befriend and uncover.

Like a single lotus in the groundlessness of concrete I set my self aside and plug into the night. Consciously and carefully I find that ends meet, fear settles into faith and I unfold and dissolve letting life in.

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The Life Game: Set your build to win

Inspiration found me this morning as I was scrolling through my Facebook homepage. A video posted compares your human life from birth to end to a video game; and goes through the entire logical process in less than four minutes. As an avid gamer myself, it was both ironic and creative to say the least.

The oversimplification made me think about the struggles we go through in order to achieve our goals whatever they might be. I, eventually as anybody would, started thinking about myself and how I manage to balance my life, the things that helped me progress, how I owned my experiences and continue to learn every step of the way. Three major elements keep me in check: practicing mindfulness, dedication to physical fitness and consistency for professional achievement. Yet the thought of attempting to balance mindfulness, physical fitness and professional achievement might induce so much anxiety, that you dismiss the possibility before even trying it. But consider this:

Your life game begins with a standard build, note that I’m dismissing socio-economic status as a start because I am solely talking about “free skills”. Mindfulness, fitness and achievement are unaffected by your external conditions, you could be at top of the ladder or starting from scratch, this should apply to you indiscriminately.

Your standard human build can take you far enough up until the challenges are more complex, and until the challengers facing you have learned new skills and developed their build. Then you will feel stuck, possibly defeated and exhausted by life. While you are still using your basic fight or flight mechanism, others have mastered self-control and tend to stand and fight in situations you would definitely flee, as that is your original coding, undeveloped.

Master the skill of Mindfulness

To learn this skill, you have to recognize that every human’s basic build consists of personal experience; a lived past, a happening present and a subjective perception of a future. You have to acknowledge your past, own your experience, identify the lessons you have to learn, seek help if it proves to be difficult. You have to acknowledge the blessing of being alive, of having breath run through you. Identify with that breath on a daily basis, and practice being in the present moment, thankful and adamant on self-love not selfishness. The future will be taken care of, when you master the other two skills.

Master the skill of physical fitness

To learn this skill, you have to recognize that your average build body, if no disabilities are present, is intended for mobility and functional movement. The less you use it for that purpose, the faster you deteriorate and battle numerous glitches and viruses, and the sooner you lose the game. Start with respecting the functionality of your body, follow a fitness program, the little achievements you make whether touching your toes when you couldn’t or performing a series of back flips on command, all reflect on your overall performance in the life game. You will become stronger and empowered, your build allows you to tackle challenges differently. Little achievement matter just as much as big ones. The flip-side of a series of fails, is the consistency that leads to lessons learned and essentially achievement by virtue of trial and error.

Mastering those skills helps you recharge your spirit and your body. You will recognize your weaknesses and deal with them before it’s too late. You will be ahead in your game.

Mastering the skill of professional achievement

To learn this skill, you must have a clear goal. You have to know why you are in the job and what you plan on achieving by remaining in it for a certain time period. There is no shortage of opportunities, even in today’s economy. Identify where you are on the resourcefulness scale and make your decisions accordingly. Don’t let fear stop you from taking a leap into the next level. But make sure that your boots will jump high enough and your build can stand the impact of a miscalculation.

The life game is different for each and every one of us. We all have the capacity to improve and to develop ourselves in continuously competitive and challenging game play. Stay curious, stay present and improve with every opportunity you get. Keep your head in the game, and believe that winning everyday is actually possible as long as you are in the game.