Here I am, above a city, beneath a universe of stars and by the shore of familiar faces and lovely hearts. Somehow I am hurt, somehow it wasn’t as easy as I expected it to be. Sometimes the softest hearts hurt you and you have to learn how to love better, bigger and deeper.
I am still when I am beside him when he looks at me and smiles. We have adventures we are yet to take and tales we are bound to tell.
I shed skin, and I undress thoughts. I am myself and somebody else. I peer through the night and look for that person I want to become. I brave through the years and I break down limits and walls, I am closer to uncovering the ruin. I am almost the self I thought I would be. I run across images and memories, my muscles are rubbed and the knots untied, and slowly my body heals. Slowly my mind bends itself back to its proper form.
Twenty four Octobers today. Twenty four years of life bestowed upon my meager and frail soul. Twenty four years of attempting to figure out why all this happens. Why was I born out of ruin in a city taking its first breath after a civil war? and a world so sick it still needs healing.
One more year, and another shot at kindness. Another attempt for smoothing out the harshness of expectations, one more year of practice on how to become a better human being.
I peer out of this room, and suddenly nobody remembers my name. Suddenly four birthdays have passed since I last had a dream. Suddenly, I did not know where I had been.
Friends and family attempt to make life easier, and sometimes they do. But for the most part, things get tough, the world gets heavy, and reality gets messy. So you bring together forces of nature and some technology in hopes of becoming a person good at living. You look at people a little more gently, and you judge a little less too. You smile more intently, and your words become fewer too. You are summed up by the kindness you put out because not much of it is out there around you. Not much goodness, at least not as much as you hoped you’d see.
You learn that waking up is mandatory, and going to sleep is a vacation. You listen to the world in its fullness and in its hollow spaces, and you’re silence is echoed through. Rainfall gets romantic, in the literary sense and in the realistic one. Some people are hurt by the rain when you get to fall in love. Some people are not like you, and they have different perceptions of the world. They do however get to love too.
I step back into my room, and I realize nothing ever stops and waits for me to be ready. All that time, it has passed, and somebody may have put it to better use than I have. Nothing seizes, nobody rests. The motion is continuous and all we’ve got to do is pack up nice, put on some sturdy boots, stand up straight and simply move.
I hug my comfort to sleep, and I push the blankets below our feet. Tomorrow will be a better day.
Warmth makes its way down my toes as i squish them further into the sand. It then flashes up my body and decides to dance its way out of my skin. I put my thoughts beside me as i stand tall on a shore i have known in different weathers. I look at the playful ocean as it teases my senses and runs away so systemically that the game is never-ending. I glance at my thoughts and nudge them to wander off; the beach is vast enough for all of us. As i watch them going away i grab my little emotions by the hand and I take them for a walk.
I catch them smiling as they cling to my hands harder; i can tell they are loving this journey. I feel at peace with the light engulfing all of us. The warmth is unstoppable and sheer. It gets our hearts beating and our skin glowing; it tickles my emotions as they play along like the infants they truly are. I am overjoyed because i miss their sounds and their songs.
The water slowly finds its way up to my feet and it retreats shyly, its softness has my emotions building sand castles by its side. I willingly leave them to soak up that softness and i continue walking. Heat hugs my body and it allows itself to moisten my skin into a beautiful reflection of light. Without thoughts and without emotions, i suddenly come to know a soul that exists unconditionally and eternally within me.
Home unravels inside me and it is calm and quiet. It tastes of nature and smells like forever. I reach inside and i lay my head in its lap as it pets my sun-kissed hair. I close my eyes and unwind into depth and serenity. A kindness wakes me up and i find a sunset taking its final bow for the day. Everything on that shore was waving and shimmering as though applauding a genius performance. I froze as i was a mere soul in audience of nature existing. I forgot myself at that moment, I neither had my thoughts nor my emotions; we all stood there separately. Inside the ocean hid the sun as it showered itself with myth and magic.
Warmth gave way to chill as my body welcomed my senses back, and called for my thoughts to lean closer. The shore, myself, and the world took solace in the night and curled beside each other witnessing a truth only found in this darkness. Existence.