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The Sun

I am without myself almost every day. I walk towards and away from this, all at once. My steps are noise blanketing the quietness of a harmless emptiness I carry everywhere. Still and firm, faith washes ashore my disbelieving skin. I am impossible to water; my thirst is yet to be quenched.
Music to my vulnerable ears eases in and finds solace in a hollow corner I sometimes mistake for a soul. And in that corner, love grows it becomes humiliatingly filling.
I find myself awake at hours of the night unmistakably silent and anticipating. I find pieces of myself stranded in the dark and I rarely reach out and grab them anymore. The pursuit of definition as I have come to believe, is a sterile one. I am without myself after all.
My mindfulness is as elusive as my sleep. Come night time and an overwhelming dosage of anxiety rests it’s head on my chest. I am left weighed down by nothing and everything to ever exist. So I press my head deeper into the pillow and I drown myself in infinite thought. My breath softens and my words lose courage every time I come up for clarity. What does one do with finite nights and infinite possibility? How does one choose a single path, one life to account for an unbiased immeasurable existence? In that matter, there is one finite answer: I do not know.
I trust so little the aptitude of humans. I find it unconventional to stick to one belief every day. I shiver facing an ironic reality that change is necessary and inevitable. Change in all it’s forms is as terrifying as it is magnificent. I love with every regenerating cell in me the continuity of change. But I loathe how things never remain the same.
Walking on a tight rope, I challenge myself to not expect anything to lean on. I choose everyday to lose faith in my surroundings and detach myself from the illusion of eternity. I live each day reminding myself that I myself am a walking breathing example of entropy.
But I am a hypocrite.
I leap at any hint of divinity. I am spellbound by beauty and it’s repetition across the ages. I savor moments as rare as they come as though I caught infinity while it wasn’t looking. I fall uncontrollably in love and I allow myself the pleasure of delusion.
From where I am, whether I fall or stand tall; there really is no difference. From where I am, I live in many worlds. In some I care, in others I don’t. The fault in my brain is mended in the form of a heart. Maybe a balance exists linking and pushing my worlds apart. I carry it all with me, and I lay still on my back. I am miles away alone flaring a single match in the dark.
Maybe when you see that, your universe will finally have its light.

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How to Dream

 

Make your way through the faces and the traces of doubt and debris. Flip through the pages and don’t mourn wasted ink or forgotten places. Excuse yourself from all expectations and indulge in the world of possibility. Freefall, absolutely weightless and let the gravity of dreams devour you. Understand that reality is only contrasted with vast, uninhibited, insane dreams. Understand that you must allow yourself to wander off so vaguely and lightly into that land. Understand that the only way one truly lives is by being wildly inspired by those dreams and possibilities. Let the charm of enchantment completely uplift you worlds above consciousness and reality. Get so close, give into the helpless magnetism of magic. Close your eyes and rest, you dont need physical senses for this journey. Wait for the shock under your skin, hold your breath for the insanity that will feverishly fill every space within you. You are not hollow here, you are not vacant.
Savour the assymatry of your thoughts and the chaos of your emotions, experience being shackled in the embrace of countless loving arms. Let it boil, let your nerves charge with a confusion they have never dealt with before. Understand the convergance between dreams and reality as they lock simultaneously in one touch out of every world known to you.