Sometimes the people we love the most are those who are capable of inflicting the highest level of damage on us. Sometimes, we are capable of hurting the people we love the most just as much. So where do we go in the cycle of hurt and damage that ironically enough has love at its epicenter?
1 We can choose to build walls, that’s a popular option. Completely remove ourselves from any interaction that resembles intimacy; we nurture our own loneliness and participate in it.
2 We can choose to ignore the hurt we inflict, and only notice that which we receive; hence becoming the victims.
3 A third option is to give reasons to those who love us, but never let ourselves off the hook. And so we create a distorted idea about ourselves, where we become the person who sadly says: ” I don’t think i deserve love, because everyone who comes near me ends up hurt.”
So it is difficult to navigate our relationships and ourselves under such complicated terms. We create stories about others, about ourselves and the world we live in only to get through the days where nothing makes sense. Perhaps this story we tell ourselves today might help fix it all.
What if we can find a way around this cycle? One which can include all the love, some pain and a foundation in truth.
First things first, we as humans are capable of hurt, under the wrong circumstance with the wrong people, and the wrong time of day we could be the villains in somebody’s story. So nobody is perfect.
What if we try to accept that hurt is relative? Obviously the feeling is the same, but the intention behind it can differ. That one major aspect is what makes the biggest difference; INTENT.
You see, if somebody loves us, appreciates and cares for us, their aim is never to “hurt” us. And if we know for sure that there is more hurt in the intent, than there is love, then we ought to walk away. So it is a clear line that we must determine under observation, communication and professional help if necessary. Never keep around people who are worse for you than they are good.
Then and more importantly is how we carry ourselves, how we intend to interact with those we care about. Are you trying to inflict hurt upon that person? IF so, then you deserve the boot as much as anybody else. We are not separate from others and we are not better, but we could be more aware of our own behaviors around others.
Pain is inevitable in many occasions, life without pain without suffering without some degree of harshness becomes diluted with a sense of false control. Obviously we do not seek that kind of bitterness in our lives, but when confronted with it, we can acknowledge it for what it is, try to learn something and move on.
Those who love us will try their best to help us, as we would those we love. People have different ways, different attitudes and varying levels of ego that tells them how to show love and how to display intent. So sometimes, we clash with the ways of others, as they may clash with our own. But as long as we clearly and undoubtedly feel the love we find ways to come together, communicate our differences and try to become better together.
Learn your limits, understand how you prefer to be shown love and reciprocate, not only in your own methods but in the ways that others want to feel that same love.
Complicated? Perhaps, now and forever.
But totally worth it; because really who wants to have a bad day with a person they love?