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Growth Theory: The One Type of Advice We All Need.

How do you look at your life? Do you perceive it from a day to day lens? Is it a bunch of finite experiences that you believe must be done before you kick the bucket? Is it a set of roles and responsibilities that you must undertake in order to be accepted into your community of friends and family? Or do you perceive life as disconnected groups of reference points that you may or may not get to? It might be a mixture of all of those, and others that this page cannot fit.

I write to tell you something that I wish I could if we were together stuck in a major life moment; one where what you decide might not really change your entire life as per what is popularly believed about major decisions, but will tell you A LOT about who you are. Major life moments uncover a facade we live under. Most of us are not prepared before such events, we do not know when or how they are coming but they do. Believe me.

Back to the scene where what i tell you will immensely influence how you feel about the choice ahead; I look at you with excited eyes and you nod eagerly. I have this wise aura surrounding me and as my lips begin to move; you suddenly find yourself slapped in the face -lovingly- as I simply say ” I have zero advice for you. Figure your crap out I cannot be responsible for decisions you make that are of such high impact. I can tell you though that even if you make a truly bad decision ( a pure judgement) I will support you. So knock yourself out, live the life you have. “

This my friend is the adult advice we all need. We need this advice from family and friends, we need it from significant others and from our neighbors. See our human experiences do indeed teach us a lot, but they do not teach us one major thing- a way to live everyone else’s lives including ours. It is the easiest thing to give our opinions about how someone chooses to live; but to influence someone’s life so deeply as to steer an invisible wheel into their future is unfair and egoistic.

The best thing we can do for ourselves is to learn about how we wish to live our own lives. So judging others really goes nowhere, feeling like kings on sinking rafts spewing out judgement about the stars and what must be done by everyone is quite remarkable and funny. Freedom is a skill we cannot learn with everyone hovering over us secretly training us by rewarding behaviors they agree with, and punishing unpopular thoughts.

The most beautiful humans are those who are genuinely happy and accountable for the decisions they make. Even if they have unpopular ideas, or quirky ways of thinking what matters is that they spread their wings as wide as they can and with no shame. So don’t let society pluck out your baby feathers, don’t let people convince you that there is only one way. Listen to everyone and truly internalize the words you hear from people who love you; learn from experiences and educate yourself. Know that there are some universal truths, some general laws of physics and morality that you are better off not messing with, but find a light and grab all the support you can get and just grow out your damn wings.

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2019 Rant, and some potentially Bad Advice

Do you ever feel that you were someone completely different two years ago, 2 months ago, perhaps even 2 days ago? My confession is that I just caught myself trying to copy someone I was last year. That brief period of a few months where things felt like they were fully in place, where my thoughts were grounded and my wellbeing, well, was at its best. Who is that? Why do we change like that? Why is it that we don’t stay, even when we have found a place that felt right? How do we stay sane? We are the holders of vulnerable perspectives about life, the impressionable youths who were born almost 30 years ago but still feel as though the ’90s were 10 years ago.

Where do we say, this feels enough? this job is good for the next 5 years. Who do we choose to be, once and for all, which story makes the most sense to us about our life? It can’t be possible that they all do! What then? What now, which story is this? Is this the one where we go on an Instagram worthy picturesque vacation and find that life was meant to be lived that way? Or is this the one were we become parents of the modern child, and we share everything about our child’s life since birth with the world. Are we the eternally trying to SHOW the world something? What about money, where do we get that? There’s a lot of help online, from people telling us that we are the greatest and most desperate generation to ever walk the earth; why? because we have the world in the palms of our hands. But then what, are we all really so interesting? What is interesting nowadays anyway?

It seems that change has become a staple of our modern day. Transformations that once took 100 years, now take 10, even 5. Let me tell you this: It feels like the amount of living that people used to do in 100 years, we now do in 20. The level of exposure people used to have by the time they were 20, 8-year-olds now are more exposed. So how do we digest that? How do we live a life that now “COULD” be so much “MORE”? How do we cope with everything we get to do, everything we get to learn and everything we don’t. We do have more time- at least that’s what it feels like. But with too much perceived time on our hands come desperation and confusion.

Perhaps that is the weight of being a part of a generation that saw an immense change not just within ourselves during adolescence but within the world.

There comes a point where something must make sense. There isn’t one single calling, there are infinite ones it seems. The secret and I write this as a note to myself, and hopefully to you, is to actually become more picky about our multi-purpose existence. We do not need to do everything, or know everything or be everywhere. It requires a step back, and a hug from a dear heart, take my virtual arms if you like- but the truth is, we need to CHILL THE F OUT. By we, I mean “I”.

Photo by Igor Ovsyannykov on Pexels.com

Grab a coffee, eat a piece of the pie, look out at the cloudy weather and stop fighting the universe for more. We already have it all, the choices are constantly laid out for us; all we need to do is choose one, maximum two; but not all. SIMPLE. Right?

OK. I know. #HardestThingEVER.