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Without You

To everything and everyone there is an inside and there is an outside; the beauty however is in neither. The beauty is in the upside down and the inside out of everything and everyone.
Too many distractions, I breathe in seconds and breathe out days. I cannot let this happen tonight, well at least not right now. These seconds are mine, I see them, I feel them, I hear them; I’m stretching them and clutching them letter by letter.
Letter by letter, these seconds make no sense. Word by word, I’m alone in a big city, in a dark room; it’s already past midnight and I’m under black and pink covers trying to save my life one word at a time.
Trying to save my life words start seeping out of my perfume bottles, they trickle down my glass of water, they jump out of notebooks, and slide over mirrors onto the floor making their way up my bed. In a city that never sleeps, I lay wide awake cradled by hundreds of words.
Some words are smudged with hate, others glow with marvelous truth and beauty. Some words are half said, half written, while others gather in clusters of needless repetition. They are all just words after all, but I never let any go. I never allowed one word to approach me and leave, they all stayed because I needed them to; I made them mine.
I fall silent faced by too many words. Somehow there is too much to be said but no one to be said to. Somehow there is too much to give and no one to give to. Somehow being utterly alone dawned on me hours before dawn. Somehow, I need every word to return back to it’s origin and let me let go. Somehow I am more than alright facing just me. It’s all real, every second and every fear, but somehow I don’t need any saving tonight.

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Little Princess

Goodnight little girl, at least for the night. Lay that trouble free head of yours on this cartoon pillow and lose yourself in dreams.
Sleep well little girl, at least for today. Pull that blanket up to your ears and hide from the dark because you can. Rest assured there is someone in the next room who will instantly scare your monsters away. There is no nightmare you can have that cannot be countered by a lullaby. There is no fear you might develop that cannot be hugged away. So let the comfort of home untangle your hair and clear your skin because after all little princess, that is what home is for.
See little girl one day you might suddenly find yourself at night. In a bed that is not your own, on a pillow made of stone; in a place that you’ll never call home. And during that night, you will slowly realize that your monsters are all around and your fears have no sound. As you cower into your own, a little princess scared of the dark will look out and see that she is alone. And that little girl, is when you make one of two choices.
Either run back home into a bed you have overgrown, or stay and chase your own monsters away. Whichever you choose, will forever define the next day.

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An Unrehearsed Dance

Surprising lights burn every sensation she has ever compiled over the years. No shadow scares her as it used to now that she found brilliance and pride. She sheds her worries as the lights glow brighter and the sound glorifies her chaotic soul. No more pain lives in her world, and no more fear courts her at night. She spins without control, and begins to rotate. No one else, no one will ever know the crevices she has within her walls. No one will unravel the mysteries she has chosen to keep for her own entertainment. No one will answer the questions she has decided to label rhetoric. She turns around with arms wide open to an empty space that has never been so welcoming of her physical presence. No more void steps, or blind spots. She has made her choice to live recklessly and without any wreckage. On her own but not alone, not defeated. She opens her eyes as her steps become less rehearsed, and to her surprise, nothing looks familiar, but beauty surrounds her, it composes the symphonies she thought she would never hear again. And when every sensation rids itself of sedation and gasps for air again, her soul, her mind and her being all awaken into an ecstasy of life, of actually breathing and consciously realizing the weakness of being human, and power behind such a realization.
She shyly finds herself sneaking a smile, except this time it is a joy springing inside out.

No illusion surrounds her existence on this page, but a proficiency is needed in understanding the terror, contradiction and comfort of picturing this youthfull soul dancing so shamelessly to the insanity of an ancient mind.