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Where is Your Love House located? Passion Street or Dead Street?

Are you seeing someone? Do you have a person you like to hold a little bit longer? Do they give you reasons to wake up in the morning and help you through the dark of the night? We all love LOVE, and I’ve discussed that before in my “How bad are you at love” post. Love grows and flourishes and you glide through it, until you hit a wall, one that was being built every time you lied, or every time they told you that they were a little tired for that talk yet again. And then you look up and more walls surround you. What now?

You find yourself wanting to break out of the hug a little sooner, and you fall through the darkness of the night all by yourself wondering where you had gone wrong. The dark intensifies and your heart beats faster wanting to find the answer, and run back into comfort’s loving arms.

Who doesn’t want it all? Who refuses the joys and blissful moments that life sends our way? Nobody. I agree.

So why do we put conditions over the mundane, over the ordinariness of life? Why do we become so strange around love that has become normal and underwhelming? You see, the difference between the passionate crazy love that we experience in the initial stages of our romantic relationships and the love that loses the heat but remains soft and sweet is US. We simply stopped looking at our partners with new eyes. We have grown accustomed to their faces and their bodies, their minds and their dreams. And many times, when our eyes get bored, our brains go into overdrive and into a self correcting process that wants to shut down the system, restart and refresh. We become so caught up in the “loss of love” and we forget to wash our eyes and look again at our lives and at our loves and really see them for what they are; structures of our own construction. The life and the love we build are like a house, one that we get to live in as long as we want. And if we don’t remember that we were the original builders, we will think that we can no longer get out, or that we can no longer fix the broken roof we are living under.

We start getting weak, we invite people to look at our broken houses, asking them if they think they could or should be fixed. We ask them if they would live in such a house; as though we have no responsibility for the damage; as though it was done unto us. What we could do instead is admit that the walls are moldy and check if we can fix it together.

We all get to see love from one angle or the other. We can only really immerse ourselves in it when we recognize our signatures over the walls and the paths into each others lives.

This post really is about telling you my dearest friend, that love grows and changes, and we cannot expect it to stay in the same house we built it in the beginning. We can get creative, and outspoken, we can break all the walls and recreate the space we share; we can do so much before we walk away. And if we must walk away, then we better know really well that love is inside us to begin with; if our house is empty of love, then maybe we are empty.

So let’s feed ourselves all the love and the beauty and the sex; let’s read, travel and meditate on the incredible way life treats us. But let’s also not forget that we are the builders, the movers, and the shakers of every relationship we have; be it with family, friends or lovers. Love lives inside of us and the bigger it is, the free-er we should allow it to be, then we can give more, and there will be less walls surrounding us.

Love doesn’t diminish with time, but we definitely change; so we must let love change with us and transform.

Until next time,

Be the love <3

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I Asked the Seminyak Waves for Advice and They Didn’t Hold Back

How many times have you felt as though life is gushing at you with force like a series of Seminyak waves crashing at your feet? You look at the events of your life and stand still, perhaps for a second, perhaps for a year, floating between two options;

Run away as fast as you can; because maybe just maybe one Tsunami is going to cut right past you and carry you with it to oblivion. OR Stay there and wait for the right moment to take a nice cold swim, get hit by a few waves, and trust in your ability to face what comes to you when necessary.

The struggle is difficult, remaining calm and composed when you feel like the world is going to eat you whole is an act of courage. Then again, you see a pigeon taking its funny little steps at the shore beside you not giving a care about the ocean or the waves. It is focused and content; it accepts the gushing waves and moves when it must; but it by no means avoids the ocean.

The only way to really see what life can do for you is to accept that it can really do whatever it wants to you.

So the best way to learn that is to spend some time close to nature. Nature in its jungles, winds, animals, insects, oceans and rivers has so much to say. It is a performer that doesn’t see you. Nature in all its mastery is a dancer that dances for no one but itself. It sings and hits, it sways and flies not for the sake of the beholder but for its own sake. So assuming that life has any concern for us is ridiculous. However, when we do decide to do as it does, wonderful things happen. When we let ourselves live and love and just do what we truly feel in our hearts we must do; life flows around us. We no longer become little blocks in its way. We become one with it, we reside in its care, and we get treated as it treats its most loved creatures.

So when you feel afraid of life, think about what you truly are afraid of. Perhaps the fear you feel is not of the event itself, but of the possible loss of control that you suddenly come too close to. A fish has no control of the ocean but it swims in it regardless. A tree has no control over the seasons but it works its way around it.

Perhaps we complicate life, and we possibly take it too hard when we don’t get exactly what we wanted. What if we take a step back and relinquish some control as a start, what would happen then?

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I Asked my Cats about 5 Life Lessons: They Meowed Back.

Believe it or not, some of the most profound life lessons you could learn are from animals. Remove your feelings of superiority and self serving intellectualism and you will find that they have figured out a lot of the secrets to happy living and wellbeing before us.

Most of us have interacted with dogs or cats mainly, in my case cats have been my pets of choice ever since I developed eyes that can see and hands that can touch soft fur. I have yet to experience the pleasure of befriending a dog, so this will mostly be limited to Cats as masters of wellbeing.

See, cats tend to be quite individualistic and for introverts like me, they are wonderful creatures with a need for space from everyone and everything. Nothing but respect for that. Lesson one therefore, is that taking time for ourselves can do wonders for our peace of mind. Canceling out the noise of needy people and high intensity tasks helps us focus. So take a walk, find a place to lounge and cancel out the world.

Lesson two entails hygiene. We can drop the licking ourselves clean behavior, but we can pay attention to the positive outcomes a good shower can give us. Not to mention the nakedness experience that is not to be undermined. We spend so much of our time in clothes, so being ok with our uncovered bodies is a practice, and finding connection between mind, skin and strength begins with our hygiene routines and extends outwards. The most direct symptom of stressed or sick cats is stopping their self cleaning routines.

Lesson three has us running like psychos in the middle of the night for no apparent reason but exercise, exorcism of evil spirits and fun. Obviously there are numerous limitations for us to burst into inexplicable bouts of activity between 12 and 2 AM. But we can learn to let the lid off sometimes and not be so stiff all the time. See bouts of movement during the day help keep us on our feet let alone that that kind of energy is contagious. So put on some running or dancing shoes and hit the floor.

Lesson four is a beautiful one. Ever held the gaze of a feline as they are dozing off? It is the most hypnotizing look, one that could land you flat on your face with sleepiness. Always look people in the eye. See cats have a special quality, one that is not for the faint of heart. They follow you with their eyes, sometime the pupil is paper thin and quite intimidating, and other times, it expands to take up the full circle of their iris and you know then that a pounce is in the works. The idea however, is connection, it is enabling our sense of sight and paying attention to those in front of us. Slowly, upon deeper observation the skill becomes better and you could even become a better judge of character, capable of providing empathy by looking at people more closely.

Lesson five looks like every funny cat video out there. Humble, unsuspecting and absolutely delightful. Allowing ourselves to be silly, and delightful is a life skill, one that will help keep you young and fun and a joy to be around. So embrace the quirks in you and play when you can.

Learning from cats is not a thing one does by choice but a thing one is forced to do, not because there is a chance of a dangerous outcome, but simply because participation becomes a pleasure; and life with pets is a joy to the spirit.

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Reconnect with Trees and Life will be Good to you

Look up.

At first glance, how much green can you see? And by green I don’t mean money, although it would be pretty cool to have a visual of your money stacked up in front of you at a random glance. But NO. By green I mean trees, you know those harmless living things that we learned to draw with brown and green crayons before we learned how to speak.

Pocahontas’s Grandmother Willow, The Avatar’ Tree of Life… and the wonderful species of twigs and leaves that breathe our air and help us live. The spectacular greens.

How much green are you currently surrounded with? If your answer is closer to zero, then we have a problem. The beauty of this problem is that solving it is easy. And what human doesn’t like a quick fix to a big problem? So let this lift your spirit back and away from the pipes and the gutters, the cement and the fumes.

First things first, WHY? Is there a good reason why you cannot have greens in your living space? Is it medical? If not, then read on.

Second, if the reason is that you just haven’t noticed, and haven’t thought of it; well you can stop reading now, and just go buy yourself a plant that can live in your particular space. Just google “Indoor Plants” if you are indoors, and “Outdoor Plants” if you want to put it/them outside. Don’t use the excuse that you are incapable of keeping greens alive. Some of them are indestructible, find one.

Another suggestion is to check out “NASA’s list of the best air filtering houseplants”.

We have become too used to life away from nature, devoid of it. Unfortunately, some of us cannot even notice the cement anymore. Think about the poor aesthetic, about the effects of dark, bland rooms, hallways, buildings, and streets? The words themselves make me feel claustrophobic. It is not about going around hugging trees, and talking to them, although the hippie in me will totally support this initiative in you. The idea is to help yourself, by bringing your body and you soul closer to other types of living things that will do nothing less of add color to your life. Think about all the beautiful pictures you can take next to the plant you will buy after reading this.

Consider it an experiment, try to fill your room with 2 shades of green, perhaps a colorful pot too. Put a book beside that pot, and a little bottle of water. Place it across from a window and savor the experience. Breathe deeper, and stretch out your body, and think about something or someone you love.

As much as this is about the greens, this is about us. We can learn to become better, and to breathe deeper and take care of ourselves by taking care of simpler beings. Give it a try and watch how your heart grows with every piece of green you plant around you. There are enough toxins in the world, play a different part and see what it looks like from the other side.

What happens when you look up and see more green than grey?

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Can your skin reflect light?

How is it easier for us to rationalize unhappiness than it is to create joy?

This question has been on my mind lately, mostly because of the melancholy that comes and goes into my space for numerous reasons. There are silly reasons and existential ones, and true ones and fake ones. You know when you just have too many reasons, and your brain begins flooding itself in untruth, in logical acceptance that growing up entails all of the above, and getting a grip on life means losing a grip on personal pleasure.

Life is hard, and the struggle remains where it is, ready for whoever seeks it, runs away from it, fears it and embraces it. We can stay there in that space, in that world. We can all develop sore souls and carpel tunnel fingers. We can all be there together; or that is what I truly feared most.

The fear that your days would blend into one elongated life were you sat behind a desk and typed. The fear that your relationship with your significant other had a limited life span and it was bound to implode. The fear that just because people agreed that we all must live in a certain way, then you too must conform. People “grow out” of those thoughts, that’s what is generally accepted. People “accept the pain” and carry on. People begin to live in bumper sticker logic and it becomes awfully sad to watch them do it.

How do you process your life and the lies it entails?

Photo by Julia Kuzenkov on Pexels.com

Imagine being a tree in a pot. A tree exists to live and to grow, in the same with humans. But our human experience disillusions us into despising growing older, but still wants us to grow up. So how do you make peace with growing only as much as your pot allows you to? Not a centimeter more because that would mean unhappiness and thirst. What would happen if your tree gets moved into earth, with no limits to its growth? It begins to reflect unapologetic life.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Look, I know there is a reason for my relentless need for growth and change and evolution. A therapist once explained to me- and therapists like to know best- that that was my brain’s way of responding to anxiety. So it is where I, and you, if you feel the same begin; exactly at the end. We begin at the end of things and move backwards to determine whether the life we are living will reflect light. We do not close our eyes and press the gas. For some reason our bumper stickers keep falling off.

So how do you know if your life reflects light?

Well, it begins with you. If I were to tell you that you will live your life like this exactly everyday, would you like that? Would it be a reflection of light onto yourself and those who cross your path?

The brave ones dive into the fear of failure, and the fear of not being loved, and the fear of being rejected and misunderstood. We are all frail bodies but do not underestimate the power of a well fed soul, a soul that overpowers the brain, a soul that can speak to you and guide you, where you just need to follow. Do not overestimate the power of logic. Our brains are beautiful tools but they are servants and not masters. Our brains allow us to create wonderful thoughts, plans and tricks to serve the purpose of our souls. So why not press a little softer on your heart and quiet down your brain and just create the safe space for your timid child soul to walk out.

Growing older does not mean we must break the locks and toughen up. Growing older is life manifesting itself in our skin and in our hair, but it has no qualms with our child soul.

It is NEVER too late; take that bumper sticker and paste it over your bed.

So if you seek peace in a glass of wine, or in the arms of strangers, if you spell your name and feel an immense weight glued to it, be gentler to yourself. And to be gentle we must stop and come to a complete halt of thought.

In that halt, we must go inside ourselves and discover what we have been burying in the dark. So we breathe and we might shed a few tears, we forgive and re rack our weights. We do this a few more times, and say thanks for all our blessings, and then slowly get back up. We imagine pushing a heavy rock down over a ledge as we walk away lighter and surely brighter.

That my friends, is how we reflect light.


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Growth Theory: The One Type of Advice We All Need.

How do you look at your life? Do you perceive it from a day to day lens? Is it a bunch of finite experiences that you believe must be done before you kick the bucket? Is it a set of roles and responsibilities that you must undertake in order to be accepted into your community of friends and family? Or do you perceive life as disconnected groups of reference points that you may or may not get to? It might be a mixture of all of those, and others that this page cannot fit.

I write to tell you something that I wish I could if we were together stuck in a major life moment; one where what you decide might not really change your entire life as per what is popularly believed about major decisions, but will tell you A LOT about who you are. Major life moments uncover a facade we live under. Most of us are not prepared before such events, we do not know when or how they are coming but they do. Believe me.

Back to the scene where what i tell you will immensely influence how you feel about the choice ahead; I look at you with excited eyes and you nod eagerly. I have this wise aura surrounding me and as my lips begin to move; you suddenly find yourself slapped in the face -lovingly- as I simply say ” I have zero advice for you. Figure your crap out I cannot be responsible for decisions you make that are of such high impact. I can tell you though that even if you make a truly bad decision ( a pure judgement) I will support you. So knock yourself out, live the life you have. “

This my friend is the adult advice we all need. We need this advice from family and friends, we need it from significant others and from our neighbors. See our human experiences do indeed teach us a lot, but they do not teach us one major thing- a way to live everyone else’s lives including ours. It is the easiest thing to give our opinions about how someone chooses to live; but to influence someone’s life so deeply as to steer an invisible wheel into their future is unfair and egoistic.

The best thing we can do for ourselves is to learn about how we wish to live our own lives. So judging others really goes nowhere, feeling like kings on sinking rafts spewing out judgement about the stars and what must be done by everyone is quite remarkable and funny. Freedom is a skill we cannot learn with everyone hovering over us secretly training us by rewarding behaviors they agree with, and punishing unpopular thoughts.

The most beautiful humans are those who are genuinely happy and accountable for the decisions they make. Even if they have unpopular ideas, or quirky ways of thinking what matters is that they spread their wings as wide as they can and with no shame. So don’t let society pluck out your baby feathers, don’t let people convince you that there is only one way. Listen to everyone and truly internalize the words you hear from people who love you; learn from experiences and educate yourself. Know that there are some universal truths, some general laws of physics and morality that you are better off not messing with, but find a light and grab all the support you can get and just grow out your damn wings.

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Let the happy bubbles burst

I like to think of myself as a happy person. I like to think that people perceive me as such; well because I learned at a very young age that nobody liked misery- so my happiness persona was a reaction to that lesson.

If I wanted people to like me, I had to be happy. Except, this with time became a problem because I started hiding when I wasn’t happy. I created a rule that was, for the most part, a sham; a very distrustful feeling eventually was nurtured within me; simply because I never exposed myself as the “real” me, only exposed the happy persona- The perpetual smiler.

I am not writing this to advocate it, but I am writing this for you dear reader who identifies with the perpetual smiler syndrome (one I have just made up). I envy the outright angry, the people who do not owe the world a happy face, not because they make us feel better, on the contrary sometimes they ruin our damn days- but I suppose they just don’t worry about being liked as much.

As I grow wiser ( LOL- I know) but no really, the more insight I gain into myself, I learn that seeking approval is a juvenile experience, one that does not serve a higher purpose but merely allows us a shallow sense of belonging, a sense of acceptance; which is why we change our appearance, our dialects, our fashion and our minds a million times until we completely lose touch of who we really are, and feel only slightly closer to the group. It seems that things get hazy with time, we start identifying with our behaviors, we become the things that we practice mindlessly. Despite the nuances within this concept of being, one cannot let go and just become what life, thoughts, people and struggle want us to become. We need to know where to resist and where to let go.

The perpetual smiler, the always beautiful, the never wrong, the extremely generous and kind are all in it together along with everyone else with their twitches, tweaks, and squeezes. The persona bubbles all sit together and play their parts, losing sight, missing cues and floating into an oblivious manner of living.

The point, if you read nothing but this paragraph, and if you are looking for a sign is this: YOU DON’T HAVE TO. You can burst through the lies, one bubble at a time. You can start easily.

We don’t have to be “this” or “that”. We don’t have to play the part. Besides, there is so much beauty in practicing being ourselves, so who would that be? What do we look like then? and there we can decide whether we really identify with certain parts and whether we really want to play them. Then we are free; because everything becomes a choice- that is the key.