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Where is the White Space?

Rolling through YouTube’s suggested list, I come to realize one very important effect of our modern life and access to the internet.  I noticed that all that music almost sounds the same, just as most influencers look the same, and bloggers (sometimes including myself) are saying the same things. As easy as changing our lives seems to be through marketing campaigns, it actually is immensely difficult because every click we make, and every decision we take molds us into certain people, possibly not the people we really are, but mere consumer personas. Comfort zones are created around us so organically, that reaching out of those spaces becomes hectic sometimes even impossible.

I was inspired this morning listening to an interview on InsideQuest (IQ) between Tom Bilyeu and Jim Kwik. What really kicked me right in the gut was the concept of White Space. And my mind automatically went into overdrive “I NEED WHITE SPACE”. All my spaces are inhabited by thoughts, people, objects and generic content, some introduced by me, and others suggested, and I am overwhelmed and anxious.

How can anyone really think with all that noise? Where do we hide in this bombardment? When hair style x is going make me more daring, and brand y is going to make me sexier, and person z is telling me how to tie my shoelaces… the list goes on and on with people telling me things, buying out every ounce of attention I have; FOR FREE!

In our pursuit of well-lived, exciting, and constantly educational experiences, we end up being victims of our own choices in this self replicating noisy space. It appears to me that our social fondness for grouping is an ultimate and absolute construct. It might be that attempting to break free of all groups will eventually land us with yet another one.

All that brings me back to my absolute infatuation and fascination with the concept of whitening out a page and starting again, purposely leaving everything and beginning again, as dangerous, unaccountable and anti-social as it sounds. But, there are more family friendly versions of this attitude. One thing that really works but requires countless practice is a form of meditation, essentially allowing the creation of white space inside your own mind, and then moving on from there.

Becoming the creators of our spaces can happen in two ways, either building over and modifying  pre-existing constructs, or annihilating them and starting over. Yet in annihilation one cannot escape the wisdom preceding the experience, actually one would be foolish to ignore it.

So where is the white space after all, and do you really need it?

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Reflections

I have to be quiet because this might not make sense. The words I have are attempting a transgression to my spirit. Yet it is such a sweet transgression, it is actually necessary and vital. I bite my lip and I cannot keep this secret to myself anymore. I cannot hold this truth in any longer. It must come out dressed in my petty words; but it will make itself seen regardless.

The truth is that love prevails. It prevails when we let it. It prevails because the world is big enough, wide enough and thirsty enough for light. It prevails when the darkness has eaten itself and it’s inhabitants alive. Beneath the fear, a light travels through time and space to reach those who seek it, regardless how much money they make, regardless how they look and what language they speak. Light finds you because it pierces through every darkness as long as there is a surface willing to reflect it and spread it to the world. 

Love exists and bounces off from your reflective heart. So sit with that, look inside and beneath your torment. You will find that a joy you last experienced as a child still burns within you and is shamelessly requesting permission to fix you, help you out of that torment and simply make you happy again. Because really, what is this all about, if not drenching ourselves and one another in love every opportunity we get.

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Full Moon 

I erase line after line, all my phrases seem vacant. I am trying to fake this. It’s not really working. I am trying to run yet my feet are heavy, they won’t move as fast as I hope they would. My breath is short and unforgiving. My mind refuses the track, it refuses the motion it demands that I stand still at this specific moment and just stop for a moment. Just stop. 

I have a million and five thoughts racing to the front lines, my blood freezes at the notions of some and boils for others. My mind demands that all this stops as well. No motion whatsoever, I must stop every transaction, transition and transformation taking place inside and outside of myself. Nothing will happen now, nothing must. 

Being still used to be so much easier that’s for sure, all it took was closing my eyes and sinking. Now I can’t stop.

I grab onto a tune that slows me down, one that forces the friction I have been avoiding. My scars begin to show again, indifference cannot be faked at this pace. I grab onto the night in hopes of shielding my cowardice, maybe the darkness would help make this pause less shameful; but it doesn’t. I am stripped and stranded because I need to stop and listen, to stop and look at everything. Maybe today is special, and maybe that is why I cannot move. 

Naked and foolish I rub my skin and peel off the beauty, I do not need this here. My hair falls to the ground beneath, and my nails grow long enough to claw through this fractured body. I must stop and see, my eyes water and my mind soars. I cannot move but I can see. 

I can see that my soul is aching, I can see that all this motion is sickening. It is mindless and senseless, it is excruciating and exhausting. 

I just stop, unprotected, frail and aimless. I am in awe of this crash. My mind is unclogged. My blood is cleansed. 

Maybe this is being free. 

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If I were a man: 

If I were a man fewer people would wonder why I still am unmarried. If I were a man fewer people would feel perplexed by my decisions. 

I would be congratulated for my hard work and my serious attitude regarding my goals. My academic and professional achievements would matter and would have more value. I would not be met with questions on why I am eager to do more and become better, Because what else do I need besides good looks and a decent character? 

If I were a man, I would be patted on the back when I talk about calculated risks and taking firm mature steps. I wouldn’t be met with rolling eyes and nervous smiles. If I were a man talking about the importance of partnership not just a relationship, fewer people would be terrified that I’m going to end up alone. 

If I were a man in this society I probably will have to deal with very different challenges, that are equally discouraging. I will have to be rich by 25, and fully capable of picking up tabs at ridiculously expensive places. I will have to provide for a family of 4 and enjoy traveling with my inlaws. I will also be respected according to how well I score on all previously mentioned criteria. Not too exciting as well!

But then again, to most people the mystery continues, I’m a girl with nice hair and can look pretty in a dress, so what am I really waiting for? 

In a sick society, that force feeds trends and ideals, and utilizes peer pressure to manipulate serious life decisions of both young men and women, individuals are plagued with continuous repetition of idiotic mistakes that could be avoided. Figure out what you can do with the resources that you have to better yourself first, improve your surroundings second, and reproduce last. 

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Gratitude Note 

A random set of events inspired me today and made me wonder,
are we really cursed or are we covertly blessed?

To my cognitive surprise: I am beyond blessed tonight.

First thing that comes to mind is the immense love surrounding me, and there he is pulling me ever closer to the truth. I am at peace with decisions made and roads less traveled. I am where I need to be pumping blood into a life I am bound to lead. 

I joke and flirt with words, and I skip over tunes of disbelief that life still envelopes me and every body that I love. This is complete and adequate beyond any repair. 

I write in a room I have grown in, and I fill a blankness I have become overly accustomed to. 

My love is big and brave. It is flexible and comfortable. My mind rests and tonight I am able and I am free. I put an end to a day that has witnessed more life than I may ever see. I send out fleets of words into your world and I close the blinds, binding myself to the dark further teaching myself how to truly see. 

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Try Human

I press my palm on a dream and I turn the world off to hear its heartbeat. It is still alive tonight, as it was lifetimes ago. It doesn’t age and it doesn’t stop, it flows and extends its limbs as far as we want it to. It dances with our shadows and shelters our egos, until we gather enough courage to pick it up, dress it warm and elope with it.

I place my dream next to me every night, and I listen to it hum a melody as I plan our departure, our great adventure. I get light headed and my plans grow too loud for a night in love with silence, so i pull the covers over our heads and i turn on a flashlight. We practice accents and personas, we imagine vast fields of green and northern lights over our heads. We trek volcanoes and we float in sky reflecting waters. Heartbeats and breaths grow deeper and softer, we sink lower into the wilderness of light within us, until we can no longer hear our own doubts and fears. We leap out of the night and into a surreal world.

I peek onto the lives of those surrounding me and I wish I could show them their own little dreams hiding beneath their voices and under their beds, with heartbeats as strong as drums but muffled with an unnecessary vicious reality. I watch my days pass and I fear that i could someday forget where my own dream resides, but i write to remind myself that mine exists in this space i have created as soon as i realized how powerful reality is. I saved my dream and I practiced reality to the best of my knowledge, and though i still fail sometimes, and though i lose myself often; I know where to find myself once and again.

I know that wonder strikes even the best of us, and that awe fills the heart of every human who allows it passage. I know that we are never really ready to let go, and that bloody knuckles and broken wrists are signs of strength to some. We have needs beyond our grasp, and we are human beyond our control. We live as though we are here for ever, as though we have nothing to lose. We live looking back, and looking forward. We tuck our dreams away for the good days when we can actually have time for them. Except may be we shouldn’t wait. Except maybe eloping right now is giving your self the best life you will ever know. Maybe all you need, right here and right now is to let go of doubt, fear and judgement, and wake to a life completely made for you.

 

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Mist and Mystery 

I suddenly love this world of grey surrounding me. I suddenly do not fear the rapture, I am bordering fearlessness. I hear the music echoing from the depths within, my skin tightens and cracks, my hair catches a spark and it flares like weaves and waves of fire. My eyes grow wider and I see everything, I see everyone and I am everywhere. Time stops for me and I pounce forward, I run with it.

Mist and mystery collide into brilliance in a darkened world. In a faded space I find myself made up of fire and ice, I find myself in the fog becoming, simmering, aching, breaking and mending all at once. But in that smoke filled room I am alone. I am silent and I am in awe. There is only me in this grey area, and I am free to love and to be. I cannot fight the light and I refuse to give up on that stark darkness, because all I ever wanted was to exist in between, slowly, all at once and always.