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I’m Here to Tell You about Serendipitous Flow

What is Serendipity?

Ask this question to google and it tells you the following “The occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way.”

Ask this question to an overworked businessperson and they might tell you, there is no such thing. Ask it to a joyful child, they will laugh back at you and that would be your answer.

So I ask myself this question, and I am somewhere in between working really hard for a positive event to happen to me, and also laughing at the hilarity of the possibility of controlling life in any way.

Serendipity becomes real when we learn to live in a careful balance between doing what must be done gently and without force or resistance.

Force life to go in a certain direction and face the consequence of life’s love for probability and NOT giving you what you wanted just because you “worked really hard for it”. Losing is an enormous part of life, except we choose to completely dismiss it from existence and by only focusing on the winning strategies, winning people, teams and ideas we delude ourselves into a wrong mental state. We start thinking that doing what someone else has done to the detail will land us the same result; and that’s almost never how life works. The losing ones had at some point similar chances as those who eventually won. So the idea is not to favor one consequence over the other. The idea is to learn and become good, become humble and eloquent in the language of serendipitous life.

Many have achieved so much and when asked about it they say that they have no idea why they made it and the others didn’t. Obviously one major book that tries to address this is Outliers by Malcom Gladwell. The book dives into the personal lives of the “successful” ones and tries to pin point one major commonality of years of practice, or age, or physical build, many of which are factors outside of our control.

Except there is one huge trick to unlocking our own mental barriers regardless of physical strength, education or economic situation. Serendipitous flow is that feeling of being totally immersed in an experience that goes beyond your effort and doubts. It is a total merger between our attention and our action. It feels like you are being operated by an outer force; it is complete let go. An orgasm of human functioning- I hope that’s a good description! This tends to happen when we are really happy, we feel like we are in trance; but what if we can switch that into something that makes us work better?

So, I hear you ask, how do we take ourselves to Serendipitous flow in an activity?

You must first be quiet, being really silent is the only way to begin.

Then you must observe how said activity is done.

Third, you must give attention to each factor and not dismiss something as easy or unimportant.

Fourth comes a good one, practice the activity you want to become good at. That is all that is needed to say, PRACTICE. Thank you Mr Gladwell for proving that.

Fifth is the most difficult part to some, and the most put aside step, and that is remaining calm. Remaining calm entails an action of steadiness in your step. It means ZERO FORCE and ZERO RESISTANCE, those two actions or non-actions help your mind into the state of serendipitous flow.

Serendipitous flow is the magic trick, the golden card for living, and although it sounds like a flashy trend, it actually is what separates a Jedi or a Ninja from regular office working 9 to 5 living homo sapiens.

So who do you want to become?

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Are You Having a Bad Day? Take this Moment

This is for the brave ones and the people who smile despite it all. This is for the bodies that get beaten down but still rise every day to a new fight. This is for the spirits that set themselves aflame to light the dimmest rooms and become wild fires in the darkness that surrounds them. This is for you my love, and for me because sometimes all we have are those softly beating hearts that can no longer stand yet another ache.

Let’s just be today, let’s grab onto our sweetest memory and slide our fingers through it and into it. Let our smile breathe life into a dull day that cannot bear more pain and struggle.

Feel the gentle breath take itself on a trip inside your nostrils and into your muffled throat, let it feel its way deep inside your lungs and fill them with air and fondness for a better day tomorrow, allow some air into your stomach and let it all go..

So breathe slow and exit your brain for a second, stay with the words and a single beautiful thought; time passes slowly sometimes, and the suffering ends; so does the fear. You remain with the strength of your spirit and the tiredness of your light; so just shimmer through and reflect specs of light that need nothing from you but your kind acknowledgment.

This is for us to just be in the stillness of a tough day, a bad night, or a rough year. This is because behind every mask we wear, and every door that shuts, there is a breath waiting for us. A breath that tells us to stay there, remove ourselves from the noise and unfold.

Let’s be here together, find peace, take joy, reread the words that must be read out loud and then allow your body rest. Gather strength from the air surrounding you and the floor beneath your feet, imagine your roots digging through and absorbing what they need and nothing more.

Then just lay there and let life be…

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Where is Your Love House located? Passion Street or Dead Street?

Are you seeing someone? Do you have a person you like to hold a little bit longer? Do they give you reasons to wake up in the morning and help you through the dark of the night? We all love LOVE, and I’ve discussed that before in my “How bad are you at love” post. Love grows and flourishes and you glide through it, until you hit a wall, one that was being built every time you lied, or every time they told you that they were a little tired for that talk yet again. And then you look up and more walls surround you. What now?

You find yourself wanting to break out of the hug a little sooner, and you fall through the darkness of the night all by yourself wondering where you had gone wrong. The dark intensifies and your heart beats faster wanting to find the answer, and run back into comfort’s loving arms.

Who doesn’t want it all? Who refuses the joys and blissful moments that life sends our way? Nobody. I agree.

So why do we put conditions over the mundane, over the ordinariness of life? Why do we become so strange around love that has become normal and underwhelming? You see, the difference between the passionate crazy love that we experience in the initial stages of our romantic relationships and the love that loses the heat but remains soft and sweet is US. We simply stopped looking at our partners with new eyes. We have grown accustomed to their faces and their bodies, their minds and their dreams. And many times, when our eyes get bored, our brains go into overdrive and into a self correcting process that wants to shut down the system, restart and refresh. We become so caught up in the “loss of love” and we forget to wash our eyes and look again at our lives and at our loves and really see them for what they are; structures of our own construction. The life and the love we build are like a house, one that we get to live in as long as we want. And if we don’t remember that we were the original builders, we will think that we can no longer get out, or that we can no longer fix the broken roof we are living under.

We start getting weak, we invite people to look at our broken houses, asking them if they think they could or should be fixed. We ask them if they would live in such a house; as though we have no responsibility for the damage; as though it was done unto us. What we could do instead is admit that the walls are moldy and check if we can fix it together.

We all get to see love from one angle or the other. We can only really immerse ourselves in it when we recognize our signatures over the walls and the paths into each others lives.

This post really is about telling you my dearest friend, that love grows and changes, and we cannot expect it to stay in the same house we built it in the beginning. We can get creative, and outspoken, we can break all the walls and recreate the space we share; we can do so much before we walk away. And if we must walk away, then we better know really well that love is inside us to begin with; if our house is empty of love, then maybe we are empty.

So let’s feed ourselves all the love and the beauty and the sex; let’s read, travel and meditate on the incredible way life treats us. But let’s also not forget that we are the builders, the movers, and the shakers of every relationship we have; be it with family, friends or lovers. Love lives inside of us and the bigger it is, the free-er we should allow it to be, then we can give more, and there will be less walls surrounding us.

Love doesn’t diminish with time, but we definitely change; so we must let love change with us and transform.

Until next time,

Be the love <3

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Why Comfort is Keeping You from Achieving your Dreams

Let’s talk about comfort. You know the kind that comes in soothing flavors of sweet vanilla and melted chocolate. The caramels and the soft crunches of pecan that swirl over your tastebuds and whisper to you that everything is ok. Or it could be the sounds of waves crashing, kissing your toes under a sunset that feels just right all over your skin, a golden hour that makes you feel like every hour of your life can feel that way. Comfort is a warm blanket in the freezing cold, and lilac colored mug of hot chocolate that has “Just Breathe” written on it in classy gold.

Comfort is appealing, it is the snuggle and not the nudge. Comfort is the tap on your shoulder by a loving friend and not a shake by a stranger telling you that your train has stopped. The crimson blush of a beautiful person staring at you like you are magic is comfort embodied. So let’s talk about that beautiful comfort that we seek endlessly every waking hour. Let’s wonder about how far we go to be comfortable. You see, comfort evolves in its nature, it learns and provides us a space to just be.

Now, let’s think about the end of comfort, the break in its seemingly recurrent consistency.

What happens if we never leave that comfort?

Comfort becomes external. You will no longer be able to experience comfort in anything but a tub of ice cream, a warm blanket and an ocean breeze. The easiness of our well cushioned caves removes any need to seek wonder elsewhere. You will lose your imagination and the urge to experience the world. You slowly befriend fear, and the thought of losing that comfort could tear you to pieces. Don’t get me wrong comfort is a beautiful feeling, but that’s all it is, a Feeling. If we hang on to how things make us feel for too long, we become incapable of living without them. Mind you, wanting to live with some things is not crazy, it does not determine how good or bad you are at life. Though the fear of loss limits your ability to experience having things, losing things, and creating and transforming your life based on purpose and genuine happiness, and not based on material, or feelings of attachment or responsibility.

We learn ever since we are kids that we must have things to make us happy; that without things we are nothing. The distance between who we are and what we have becomes so minimal that we can no longer tell the difference. I am not saying that we must give up our “things” but that we must understand that we are not a sum of what we buy or what we can make a month. Having a lot of money is awesome, no body would be bothered by that, but having a lot of money is unnecessary, seeking a lot of money is toxic if not done out of a deep understanding of your true worth with or without it.

The deep secret is that comfort is tricky. It takes years out of your life making you believe something that isn’t real. Being comfortable with misery, or ordinariness, or poor health, or laziness or abuse or over eating, blinds us from what discomfort really means. Discomfort is not always bad, it sometimes is the only way out of toxic habits of comfort. Our brains have not evolved to tell us to leave that camp fire and walk out of the cave to seek shelter elsewhere. We instinctively stay away from discomfort and unknown feelings and experiences because we think it terms self preservation. Habits can be changed, our life is prone to complete dismantlement and rebuilding and transformation if we allow ourselves a peek every once in a while outside of the cave.

This is not about dissatisfaction with status quo, but its about creating space for our happiness to manifest itself in the craziest of ways. How many times have you heard someone say : I WOULD NEVER LEAVE MY JOB FOR THE UNKNOWN, I WOULD NEVER SPEAK TO THAT PERSON, I WOULD NEVER DO/GO… ETC… We all have our comfortable thoughts, convictions, places and people. Going beyond them is unthinkable to most of us. There is no need to put ourselves out there, there is no point in experiencing a possible let down when we can clearly avoid it. I GET THAT.

Then again, what if you do?

What if you let yourself off the hook? What if you allow yourself out of that comfort whatever shape or form it has? If looking outside is so painful, then that says something. If for example, your relationship has gotten too comfortable, and you catch yourself watching other couples, that says something. It does not deem failure or defeat, it is a nudge. A NUDGE TO TAKE THE CHALLENGE, MAKE THE EFFORT. A Nudge that you have become so unfamiliar with, because you’re so used to the soft love taps. Notice the Nudge, go for it and create new comfort wherever you go; because it rarely is the people, the places and the things you have, it’s mostly how you decide to see things.

So my friends, comfort will always be there; rest assured! You can even take parts of it with you. Leaving what we perceive to be easy shouldn’t be a threat, it can be an adventure, it can be the only way to live our best lives.

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I Asked the Seminyak Waves for Advice and They Didn’t Hold Back

How many times have you felt as though life is gushing at you with force like a series of Seminyak waves crashing at your feet? You look at the events of your life and stand still, perhaps for a second, perhaps for a year, floating between two options;

Run away as fast as you can; because maybe just maybe one Tsunami is going to cut right past you and carry you with it to oblivion. OR Stay there and wait for the right moment to take a nice cold swim, get hit by a few waves, and trust in your ability to face what comes to you when necessary.

The struggle is difficult, remaining calm and composed when you feel like the world is going to eat you whole is an act of courage. Then again, you see a pigeon taking its funny little steps at the shore beside you not giving a care about the ocean or the waves. It is focused and content; it accepts the gushing waves and moves when it must; but it by no means avoids the ocean.

The only way to really see what life can do for you is to accept that it can really do whatever it wants to you.

So the best way to learn that is to spend some time close to nature. Nature in its jungles, winds, animals, insects, oceans and rivers has so much to say. It is a performer that doesnโ€™t see you. Nature in all its mastery is a dancer that dances for no one but itself. It sings and hits, it sways and flies not for the sake of the beholder but for its own sake. So assuming that life has any concern for us is ridiculous. However, when we do decide to do as it does, wonderful things happen. When we let ourselves live and love and just do what we truly feel in our hearts we must do; life flows around us. We no longer become little blocks in its way. We become one with it, we reside in its care, and we get treated as it treats its most loved creatures.

So when you feel afraid of life, think about what you truly are afraid of. Perhaps the fear you feel is not of the event itself, but of the possible loss of control that you suddenly come too close to. A fish has no control of the ocean but it swims in it regardless. A tree has no control over the seasons but it works its way around it.

Perhaps we complicate life, and we possibly take it too hard when we don’t get exactly what we wanted. What if we take a step back and relinquish some control as a start, what would happen then?

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How about a ‘Benjamin Button’ to Your life?

Have you ever thought about the life you live, the days you spend and how you spend them, backwards?

Let’s put this together, if you will come along this journey with me, you might be quite thrilled by the end, slightly confused in the middle, and generally indifferent in the beginning. Let’s call this a journey into the life you are about to live based on the things you are investing time and energy into today.

Take yourself to the day where you are, by medical terms considered old. Can you picture yourself? The skin, the eyes, the feet, the bones and muscle. Do you feel a little uncomfortable with this picture or are you pleased? Take note and move on.

Picture yourself 20 years younger, your youthful skin has started to show signs of aging, your hair has become a nice shade of grey, and you are on a course that you have been generally building on for more than a decade now. Are you tired? Do you picture yourself in a happy place? What do you see? Pick yourself up and come back again.

You are the youthful version of yourself 5 years from now. Most of your life is still ahead of you. If all goes well, and your heart beats steadily, you have at least 50 years looking straight back at you. Lots of hope, lots of potential. What do you think?

The purpose of this exercise is not mockery but honesty. Based on the decisions you are making today, a lot of whats yet to come will be natural consequence. The cause and effect relationship is not absolutely set in stone, but the way in which you make your decisions, the things you consider, and the priorities you put forth with be the key factors in the life any of your future selves will have. Surely, it is possible that you change entirely as a person in any of the upcoming phases, but the stakes tend to grow the more life we get to live.

The way in which we live our lives starts to seem like the only possible way forward, and since we are naturally averse to change, our instinct will rarely tell us to steer away from the course we had been on for the past decade.

Our brains will repeat the mantra “just stick to what you know”. There is nothing wrong with doing that, but it is safe to check in with ourselves every once in a while to make sure that at the least we like ourselves, we like our lives or some major parts of them; and last but not least we are never slaves to the decisions we made. The trick is to accept consequences, live accountably, and then admit that we own the time and energy to do with our lives what we will.

It’s never too late to start over, and never too early to stop doing what’s making us unhappy.