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A New york tribute.

Deep down in me lies a sense of gratitude, a sense of awe and loyalty. Not for a person but a city. A city that watched me undress my mind and unwind my thoughts. A city that heard me speak a truth that I couldn’t have said anywhere else. A city that showed me what matters most in my life. A city that humbled my pride and inflated my dreams. It introduced me to possible versions of myself that I didn’t quite like and along the way led me to realize the true essence of home. This city that I fell in love with, is one that i will leave. This city told me that it has seen many like me, but the world hasn’t. This city wants me to take my world as my fight instead of its streets. This city dwells inside my thoughts and emotions; it fed my hunger and gave me the kick. It wants to release me back into my scary world as a fighter for what i believe in. This beautiful and grand city doesn’t want me for itself. It sends me away back to where i belong. It tells me to change my cities before i change the world. I am New york and New york floods me. I found myself there in the people and in the stones; nevertheless, i have yet to find myself at my own home.

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The woman i call mom

I take in a deep breath and up my speed; I feel my heart beating and my blood pumping throughout my body. The sea is by side and waves crash with every thought that crosses my mind. People are scattered each doing their own thing, as I pass through and make way for a proper path. I have just started running.

I think about all the times I fell and she picked me up, about my natural childhood and the rules I used to hate. I smile at the incidents where she found me funny, and let me get away with something. I thought about the times where she was working, studying and taking care of the family all in the same day. The times we had to be silent because she needed to prepare for an exam. And just as well, the times we used to nag at night after she had had a very tiring day, and we would get her upset. My mind was going on and on about different incidents of my childhood, and sometimes I was one very irritating little girl.

As I run I picture different families, so many moms chasing after their kids, some scolding them, others laughing with them. The sight is never boring, especially when you are speeding through all these stories, and only get a glimpse of each one. The random happiness, the innocence and sometimes the mischievous moments all imprint images in my head.

I have always been so proud of her and her achievements. I look at all these women with little kids, and the sacrifices they might have given. But not my mom, she always kept her dreams and her priorities straight. Married at a very young age, leaving school and travelling to a new country was just a beginning. Continuing her education and working, along with raising me and my brothers was no doubt hectic.

On a lighter side, having a mom who teaches in a university and who is working on a PhD is no pressure at all for self-improvement! To have an educator, a friend, an athletic coach, a cook, a clown, a comforter, a police force, an investigator and a debater; all in one woman is amazing, don’t you think? Well, I live with all these people and I call them mom.

I grin as I run, for that is an interesting idea. I find my self falling back in my speed for my heart is heavy and my legs are beginning to tire. But when I look to my side I find a beautiful woman, her cheeks pink from the exercise and her eyes meet mine. She flashes a huge smile and gestures that I move faster to keep up as she passes me. My mom out runs me.

As I watch her go, she suddenly slows down and looks back, I feel like I am five years old again and I run to my mom. She puts her hand behind my back and pushes me forward as she runs. The laughing is tiring both of us, for we realize the irony in that and we love it. A few meters later, we both cross the finish line with blazing faces and spirits booming. That was the end of the 10 Kilometer marathon, and that was my mom pushing me through, because she knew I can make it. That is the woman, I call mom.

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Post “Kite Runner” ideas.

I recently finished reading The kite Runner for Khaled Hosseini. Breathtaking.

The character that was simply overwhelming was Hassan. How can someone be that good, so loyal and so sincere? Is it mere fiction for such people to live among us? The person who is so content with his reality and one who desperately wants to save you no matter what. He is the avid friend, the genuine raw human. Some might consider him naive but that is far from the truth. He is a hero, one who was undermined by his society and the cruelty of people’s judgement. He lived with peace and with honor. He believed that everyone was as good as him. Yet his life proved him wrong. Does  the “Hassan” exist? i personally am in big doubt about that.

The idea here is, when did we stop being the best humans we could be?..when did we become so materialistic and lacking essential humane traits?  when did we begin mistaking goodness for stupidity and naivety? i do believe that goodness in its purest form exists, we just never know how to deal with it. We ruin purity and we purge genuine behavior. I speak out of personal experience when i talk about corruption and double standards. People have stopped looking one another in the eyes.

The “Hassan” does exist in each person hopefulyy but we need to have more trust in that side of us. We need to find strength in our goodness and not need to cheat our way through to make it. I am young and i hear that this is a cruel world. Well, i surely think that us humans have made it this way. The animals and the trees have kept their ends of the bargain, but we are the ones trespassing our natural roles.

I pray that i always find the balance between hope and reality, between practicality and ambition. I pray that when i read this 10 or 20 years from now, id be wise enough to laugh at how seriously ive been taking my life. Because bottom line is, there is humor, and terror, there is passion and simplicity. It is eventually up to us to choose which side to believe in life.

The Kite Runner was an eye opener. And a story for every person.

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My first “title-less” post. Not a great start i say.

Express yourself. It seems like many people do not understand what self-expression is truly about. It is finding an outlet to help drain your overflow of energy. whether positive or negative it is yours and no one else’s. My outlets are writing and dancing through the music. Sometimes even both but that is a fairly weird mix between Tom Cruise dancing in his underwear and Maya Angelo in ” i know why the caged bird sings.” The issue here is not judging me under any circumstance and regardless which outlet i use. Obviously i have chosen the less embarrassing one but still who knows i might upload a video someday.

My first blogging attempt and i expect nothing. why? because im doing this for me. And if anyone is to come across this well i either made a good or a bad impression. Either way, i am a fairly complicated and dramatic person. I tend to entertain myself with unhuman mood swings and from those i become amazing! So lets see where this attitude gets me in life.. 🙂

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My first “title-less” post. Not a great start i say.

Express yourself. It seems like many people do not understand what self-expression is truly about. It is finding an outlet to help drain your overflow of energy. whether positive or negative it is yours and no one else’s. My outlets are writing and dancing through the music. Sometimes even both but that is a fairly weird mix between Tom Cruise dancing in his underwear and Maya Angelo in ” i know why the caged bird sings.” The issue here is not judging me under any circumstance and regardless which outlet i use. Obviously i have chosen the less embarrassing one but still who knows i might upload a video someday.

My first blogging attempt and i expect nothing. why? because im doing this for me. And if anyone is to come across this well i either made a good or a bad impression. Either way, i am a fairly complicated and dramatic person. I tend to entertain myself with unhuman mood swings and from those i become an amazing writer! YES  I have the full right to judge myself but you don’t, unless i get to judge you back. So lets see where this gets me in life.. 🙂