A little more than a year ago I sat on my yoga mat and set an intention for how I want to be during my 28th year on this planet. I breathed and I made a vow to myself to BE HERE for all of it. I would actively practice my state of presence no matter what. Little did I know that 28 would be the most difficult and trying year of my life so far.
Here is a top 10 list of things I was absolutely present for, and its not all but its enough for this post.
The Grand List to End All Lists: Be Here for it
1- I participated in the biggest protests Lebanon had witnessed since its inception
2- I caused an involuntary fire
3- I maintained my job (you read this again, YES it is an achievement)
4-A 2 week trip to India became 5 months of lockdown in Rishikesh
5- The slow and sad decay of my 7 year relationship, and a divorce
6-I survived the insane Beirut explosion
7-Took an unhealthy number of flights to make my way out of India, Beirut and EU. I spent too much time in airports during the worst time possible for that. (COVID anyone?)
8-I bought a one way ticket to Mexico and moved to Tulum
9-Survived my first Carribean Hurricane
10-Stopped eating meat. Full on vegetarian diet and Im still alive.
Had I known all this and more would happen, I would have still set the same intention honestly. To be here for it all. During the hardest moments I found nothing but myself to truly rely on. I learned that radical presence can allow us to withstand crazy experiences. I learned that no matter how much we try to distract ourselves, there are certain states we have to experience, especially those related to pain. There is no way out but in.
This is still a jolly birthday post don’t get me wrong. To be here right now, celebrating my existence on this realm is super exciting. I have come to realize two absolutely simple truth, and as my favorite person in the world says: Boom!
There is a huge difference between what SOUNDS good and what FEELS good. Always pay attention to the latter.
We think that just because something sounds good to us mentally then it is what we need. It doesn’t always have to be this way. Paying attention to what really feels good to us no matter how small can change our day better yet our lives. It requires listening to our bodies, and paying close attention to how we feel after we do something or after we eat it. Learn what puts us in a better place and do that. Eating a big fat burger from Mcdonalds might sound great for your hungry mind. Though usually you find that you feel shame and guilt after it. However you feel amazing after eating a pesto pasta. EAT THAT. Master level of this lesson becomes doing that with the thoughts you have, but let’s take it easy now.
Everything ends especially those bad bits, nothing lasts. So just allow the experience to take space. BE HERE for it, and then let it be.
Radical presence allows us to accept our realities regardless what they seem like. Truly experiencing the moment be it happiness, sadness, glory, shame, defeat, disgust, pride…anything at all starts with acknowledging that this is how we feel RIGHT NOW. It will end.
So I welcome 29 with a humility I had never known before. I release this year’s birthday post to you my dear readers, as I drink my morning cup of coffee and my cake is on its way. This year’s intention is to FEEL. I hope you enjoyed this and see you next year. Making it to 30 one fleeting feeling at a time.