Let’s face it, it is impossible to live life without experiencing any form of pain. Pain is a part of living as much as love and joy and fear. When we talk about the inescapable nature of living with one pain or another we must also consider healing.
Healing is not the reversal of pain. It does not come by through pleasantries. Healing is not something that we just receive by choosing to get rid of the pain. We do not simply ignore powerful profound pain, because then we are suppressing that hurt into our psyches and our cells and into every memory. Pain doesn’t leave until it is felt in the utter depths of our spirit, and explored with our minds and bodies. It lingers below one trigger maybe even 10, but it never simply leaves. It festers and grows more violent and more furious. It needs to be seen, and our bodies keep it for us, hoping that we address it so we can move on. Pain, must be felt in every form that it presents itself, with every piercing thought and emotion. We must go through it in its entirety, we must experience the fear of its endlessness, we must face it bare and respectful, because it is yet another teacher in disguise. Yet we must when the pain has served its purpose to awaken us to a truth, ultimately and unapologetically heal.
And here i tell you my beautiful friend that to heal is the biggest triumph of spirit. We break and we combust into millions of pieces of what we once were, but we are never beyond healing. We were gifted those bodies and those minds to experience living with our eyes wide open and our hearts on the verge of being crushed by the next best thing. Our bodies however are blessed by an internal and eternal grace, one that shines when we smile and when we wake up in the morning and feel a glimmer of hope that we are deeper than the deepest hole, stronger than the hardest blow, and liberated beyond every social concept that has ever been coined. We can heal, unlike anything dead. We can heal because we are alive.
Meeting Pain; a short story
She finds herself bursting awake in an alternate world. She is small and weary, her body aches and she doesn’t know how or why. In a vast abandoned piece of land she cannot see anything clearly but she knows what she must do. She presses her toes into the sand and makes her way to the darkest corner. That was her mission after all, She promised to heal no matter what that took. Unprepared but determined, the darkness grows and she starts losing the feeling in both her feet. She falls to her knees and continues to crawl out, her skin burning as she glances out in front of her. There it is with its might and glory, it sees her but doesn’t move to meet her. She is averse to it, but it holds something she needs.
Pain shows her its teeth and she falls at its feet begging it to hand her that wisdom because she cannot stand up anymore, She has finally come to see pain for herself, She is ready to learn. In that moment of surrender she removes her armor and unravels showing her eagerness for shedding her now tight old and broken skin. Pain unleashes itself into her mind, onto her body, her muscles tense and it pulls at her heart and her skin. She feels every bit of it, senses every bit of herself, She can follow everywhere it goes. and it burns with might..
She wants to ask it why. Her mind starts needing reason to carry on, but there was not enough time. She notices that with every blow and every shockwave of emotion the pain gets softer, it grows smaller as she gently gets bigger. Pain then pours itself into a glass between her shaky hands and asks that she accept it for what it is, whether it had reason is not important, whether she deserved it or not doesn’t matter; her questions will only be honored by a single exchange if she is to allow it.
“I accept, she cries out, just let me heal!”
She receives strength in return, one that was meant just for her; for this body… A strength that was there with the pain all along. Light creeps through that corner and nothing hurts when her heart continues it’s beat and she takes in a deep breath. She exhales as she pushes herself head first standing up. She finds that she had been in an arena, filled with souls and bodies that look just like hers, but her path was paved different by the walking and crawling towards her pain. Her space allowed for something new exactly where she was standing. She then feels her eyes grow wider as she towers over old skin, and all the armors she has outgrown.
She begins to heal.