The Love That Loses

Do you ever think about your past loves, your ex(s)? Do you wish you could say something to them now? Do you ever wonder how it is even possible not to feel the slightest attraction to somebody you once considered heaven sent? Our hearts beat on and on but not for the same people….until they do…or do they?

Remember the tears and the open wounds of breaking up with them? Is there a person who comes to mind as you read this? A person who for some reason no body else compared to, neither when you were together nor when you left. This is a post about love, not the kind that wins but the love that loses. This kind of love lived and thrived but it had no means to continue, and with its end came hindsight and lessons; this love showed us what we wanted, how we wanted it and why. The only problem was that we did not want that love with those who were giving it to us, and us to them.

This is a post for the people we loved beyond everything and above everyone for some time. Despite the reasons and the clear ends to the days we shared, something remains; a sense of familiarity and gratitude.

Ariana Grande said it, but it ought to be said here too. Thank You. And then the next one came, and the one after and after until today. The love we thought broke and shattered whatever was left, seemed to come together again in another form, less rigid and wiser.

What is the most humane way to let past loves go?

Forgive, learn and appreciate the experience. Appreciate the love that was shared, the care that was exchanged and the words that somehow extinguished fears of that time. Think about the pain but don’t expect something in return. Pain comes and goes and nobody gets rewarded externally for living through it. Pain allows itself the highest honor in our memories of past loves; which is why when we think about past relationships we can think of little else other than the hurt we experienced and hurled back. To let go we must first let go of the pain and then permit the rest to stay. Let the pain go, but keep the love and sculpt it in a way that suits you today.

We are who we are today as lovers because of the experiences we shared and unfortunately because of the pain too. So greet your ex in the street if you see them and if you can still find the love for them somewhere inside. Greet your ex if they made you better in one way or another and if the time you shared together brought you out of some darkness and into some light.

We do not do life and love alone. We live and we love with others until we all teach each other lessons both painful and joyful. Life must be brought out on the good side of things. So don’t stay in that dull tunnel of regret and blame, look up and find your way out broken and bruised but with one hell of a heart beat.

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