Now that we’ve talked a lot about happiness, let’s talk about sex.
A lot of the stories about sex whether real or made up were/are told by men. What our mothers, sisters and girlfriends tell us tends to sound different; perhaps even completely unrelated to the stories we hear from the guys. You grow to discover that something as universal as consensual sex is also absolutely subjective.
Is sex magical or is it a mechanical act that simply allows us to enjoy procreation? Is sex influenced by porn and people’s imaginations or is it the other way around? A person might look absolutely dreamy, super seductive and quite open for a sexual interaction; come showtime and the experience is subpar. A person might seem quite closed-off sexually, socially and emotionally but the flood gates open once the opportunity presents itself with the right person. POINT being; we are judgmental and needy, we have a streak of hunger for the fantastic but at different points end up being mediocre ourselves; or are confronted with an ordinary experience that leaves us questioning.
I casually asked some friends what they would prefer to read about and I got an overwhelming response that they want to read about happiness and sex. Poor me, I had to muster the brain power, energy and material to write about happiness for a while only to find that life could be as simple as we choose it to be or irreverently complex if we allow it to. Then came sex, something generally alluded to in almost every aspect of our waking life but that people actively avoid talking about.
My angle? Well, perhaps it’s about trying to keep it real for you and I, and all the concerned parties. Talking about sex requires digging into its conjoined twin Intimacy. Not having the greatest relationship with your partner? check your intimate experience first. But then again, you have a lot of things you also need to check.
Apparently millennials (contrary to what social media is showing you) are having significantly less sex than older generations. Just Google sexless millennials and skim through the 95K results. It doesn’t make a big difference if single or in relationships as well. Reasons vary, like overstimulation by our modern lives where we don’t even need to leave our houses to receive entertainment, think Netflix, computer games, social media and surely porn at everyone’s finger tips. So surely the less we interact with people the less we are conscious of the value of high quality interactions whether professional, emotional or sexual. Others argue that decreasing sex comes from higher standards, and more sex positive conversations especially for women and LGBTQ communities, where people are more aware of consent and mutually pleasant experiences; essentially we are no longer settling for less than optimal experiences.
Where does that leave us on the happiness scale?
It matters how you choose to perceive your life and the interactions you make with people. We can choose to succumb to the numbers and tell our selves that everyone is lonely, anxious and sexless anyway so why bother. OR, we could understand that we are the drivers of our lives, we can either choose to fix problems or shove them under that IKEA table. We can choose to be honest with ourselves and with our partners about our needs, both the ordinary ones and the fantastic ones.
Life is OKAY if you let it be so, and work with what you have; or it could be a disaster if you feel completely helpless. Sex is not a stand alone feature in our lives, just like happiness, it’s all about attitude, energy and the will to improve our lives. So are we really a generation who wants to make an effort for one another? Or are we happy with keeping our distance and accepting everyone as long as they don’t see us naked?