Break and Win

It is impossible to leave myself like this. I will not crack under all this pressure. If this door doesn’t open up for me I’m breaking it the hell down.
I have painted worlds and sang songs explaining decisions and embellishing truths. Weaknesses diminished as days ended all the same and mornings came as they always do.
I grab a black axe sharp and slightly curved to cause the smartest damage. I have been demolishing ideals and Gods. I have withdrawn from wilder ambitions and vulgar needs. I cradled my fists in my mouth and I managed to escape the causes and effects of my behavior.
I cannot contain my need for life and my shameless thirst for love. I cannot fathom being locked out of somebody’s mind, even when mine is a god forsaken fortress.
My maybe’s lose their letters to time as they become oh well’s. My future stands tall and handsome looking piercingly at my present and robbing it of its now.
I lose my fight and I face my defeat in real life while I reap victories in fictional battles where I am a feared and skilled champion. I have little to lose there and I can heal with a click of a button. I am invincible there; and I haven’t even reached my full potential yet.
So I dwell on a page and I pick myself apart trying to fix my outdated armor.
I lean on a song and I practice my lines. I give myself a medal and a pat on the back. I tried.
A few days is all it takes for me to regain strength, and believe in magic again. I pick a God and a new door in hopes of not getting knocked out again. The sun goes away and I march forward. I Break my back to blow my chances out of proportion. I break bones and stone. I destroy all that ever caged me and I explode into a state of hope.
Maybe tomorrow will be different, maybe I will win.

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